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Google Search Suggestions Show Popular, Moronic Queries

The Brits are great, some of our favorite people. Well-dressed, polite, fabulous musicians, but perhaps a bit too hard on the average individual. In a recent investigation on the nature of humanity, CNET.co.uk decided to see what popular searches Google offered when prompted by simple questions, and the findings were bleak. Using 'Google Suggest,' the auto-fill feature that predicts text as it's being input into the search query, suggested that most Googlers looking for answers are, in fact, stupid. The phrases entered were examples like "Am I going..." and the Google-prompted response would be, "Into Labour?" (See, British spelling). CNET's snide answer: "Is there a brand-new human poking out of your lower body? If yes, then congratulations, you're going into labour. More accurately, you're already in it."

Fair enough; people who use the Internet can be quite daft. But that's the joy on the Web, having immediate answers to questions you might feel to, er...stupid to ask. A lost soul could type in an absurd question, like "Am I having a heart attack?" and quickly get a plethora of responses. Sure, typing in "Why can't I..." reveals the silly-sounding "Own a Canadian," but actually hearkens back to a Dr. Laura radio program. Typing, "Why would a..." in the UK Google box is finished by "...married man cheat?" but on the regular .com, we see "...a change in ph cause a protein to denature" as the top result, followed by "...a cat stop using a litter box?" Honestly, both are questions that should be answered immediately. (Note: Search results are based in popularity, so perhaps there has been a spike in pH changes recently.)

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Car Tech

Man Pleads Guilty to Driving a La-Z-Boy While Drunk

Drunk driving is one of those rare, universally inexcusable offenses. Getting blasted and getting behind the wheel endangers not only the driver, but innocent bystanders. Now, apparently, getting soused and lounging in La-Z-Boy can be just as dangerous.

At least that's the case for 62 year old Dennis LeRoy from Minnesota, who recently pleaded guilty to driving drunk while cruising in his homemade motorized easy chair. LeRoy allegedly downed no less than 8 beers at a bar one fateful night last August before mounting the chairmobile, which includes a lawnmower engine, headlights and a full stereo system (but of course). He and his 0.29 blood content alcohol then proceeded to wheel into a parked car.

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Cell Phones

Texting Driver Crashes Into Cop Car


By now, we're all aware of how dangerous it is to text while driving. But, like children who just can't resist touching a hot stove, people continue to do it. While a car accident is never good, some are worse than others. For example, crashing into a parked cop car because you were texting is about as bad as it gets. That's just what happened late Wednesday night to one unfortunate, or just dumb, Rhode Island man.

According to The Providence Journal, David Mercer crashed his Jeep into a police car that had been parked on the highway in order to divert traffic around a wreck farther up the road. Mercer claimed that he didn't see the empty idling car, despite its flashing blue lights, because he was text messaging. Thankfully, no one was injured, and, lucky for Mercer, texting while driving hasn't been banned in Rhode Island (although it has been in several other states). That being the case, he won't face any criminal charges stemming from the accident. According to the Journal, he was cited with "failure to maintain control of his vehicle, obedience to devices, and no insurance," none of which are criminal charges.

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Web, Social Networking

U.K. Furniture Company Uses Iran to Promote Self on Twitter


In what could only be described as a dumb (if not callous) move, the design-oriented, U.K.-based furniture seller Habitat decided to come to the Iran/Twitter party with hopes of peddling its wares. With hash-tags (also known as #tags) featuring 'iran' and 'mousavi' (increasingly popular as the world tries to stay abreast of the situation in Iran), Habitat did not protest brutality or election-rigging, but instead encouraged users to enter its daily sweepstakes.

Naturally, as they well should, Twitter users lambasted the company for so insensitively using the crisis in Iran for self-promotion.

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Cell Phones

School Bus Driver Caught Texting While Driving, No Hands On Wheel



Apparently, Boston drivers just don't get it. Last week, a Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority trolley driver was fired for texting his way into an accident with another trolley, injuring 50 people. Now, the Boston Herald is reporting on another similar firing -- this time, a suburban Boston school bus driver was caught texting (with both hands off the wheel) by a camera-phone wielding student on the trip home from school.

On Tuesday, the driver was relieved of his duties. School officials wasted no time: "He was questioned. He admitted it and he was let go," Gerald Gaw, Superintendent of Clinton Public Schools, told the Boston Herald.

Please, people, use some common sense. We shouldn't have to tell you that texting on the road is extremely dangerous, but if you want some proof, look right here. [From: Boston Herald]

Cell Phones, Web, Social Networking

British Drivers Tweet and Update Facebook While Driving, Study Reveals



We are officially horrified. According to a new survey from British insurance company Esure, one in 10 drivers admit to sending updates to Twitter, Facebook and other social networking services while driving. That's just as bad as driving while texting, which is both illegal and stupid. What is really terrifying, though, is the number of reports in which the involved driver was performing some other stupid action while driving and texting.

In its investigation, Esure came across updates to social networking sites saying things like: "Driving with my knees and peeling an orange...Probably not the safest thing to be doing" and "Intoxicated driving. Let's hope this works out." Apparently, one person decided to update their status while driving a school bus.

We don't even know where to begin explaining what is wrong with all these things, but, let's leave it at the most basic level. If you're driving, drive. Put down the phone, the orange, the beer, or whatever else is distracting you. It's bad enough that you knowingly engage in one potentially lethal task while driving; don't advertise what an idiot you are, and further distract yourself from your driving activities. [From: Sydney Morning Herald, via Textually.org]

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Cell Phones

Teen Thief Caught After Accidentally Dialing 911, From His Pocket



Most of us have embarrassingly pocket-dialed someone before, and some have even accidentally hit the emergency call button on our cell phones, but a Peoria, Arizona teenager allegedly took dialing mishaps, and stupidity, to a whole new level last week. The 16-year-old delinquent apparently broke into a car, boosted its stereo and a Cricket cell phone, and then met up with fellow rapscallions to heroically detail his plundering exploits. Unfortunately, for the teen thief, he somehow managed to call 911 from his pocket.

During the call, the teen brags about yanking out the bolted-down stereo, and the subsequent ordeal of lugging it down the street, for an entire 15 minutes. This provided the police with ample time to triangulate the call and locate the mentally-challenged crook. Perhaps the best part of the recording occurs when police arrive on the scene, and you can actually hear them confronting the boy and alerting him to his mysterious emergency call. Either that, or when his friends make fun of him for stealing a Cricket mobile phone instead of a BlackBerry. Note to Cricket: You may want to alter your teen demographic marketing strategy.

You can hear the 15-minute call in its entirety thanks to The Phoenix New Times. Keep in mind, though, that the first four minutes are mostly unintelligible, and there are a few coarse words. One aspect of the story that does leave us with a sliver of doubt is the fact that, in order for it to be true, a teenager would have had to go 15 minutes without calling or texting anyone. Would a jury seriously believe that? [From: CNET]

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Man Who Tasers Himself Is Compared to Homer Simpson (By His Lawyer)



You know you have acted like an idiot when your own attorney mocks you in open court.

Ricky Hodgkinson, a 26-year-old man from Perton, England was compared by his own legal representative to Homer Simpson after he shot himself with a million-volt taser. Hodgkinson had purchased the illegal taser from a friend and wanted to see if it worked. The only logical thing to do at that point was shoot himself with it (obviously). "He is like the cartoon character Homer Simpson," said Hodgkinson's attorney John Walker, to the court, adding, "It was a silly thing for him to do but he hasn't used it on anyone but himself."

Do you approve of Taser use by police?


Homer moments are pretty easy to recognize; buying a taser for 100 pounds and using it on yourself surely qualifies as one. As for Hodgkinson, he was disappointed because "he had tried it out on himself and was not in much pain at all." Perhaps next time he purchases a deadly weapon, the results will be more satisfactory. [From: The Telegraph]

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Video Games

Jenga Goes Portable and Digital

Jenga Goes Portable, Digital, Defeats Own PurposeAlright people. Look, we're big fans of all things digital and techy... but some things are just better left alone.

We were a bit peeved when Monopoly replaced its multi-colored bills with a debit card, but taking Jenga digital is not only a travesty, but it doesn't even make any sense.

First off, who wants to stare at a tiny LED screen (think those old-school Game & Watch handhelds from Nintendo) and tug at tiny plastic Jenga blocks that control virtual blocks on the screen? Similar to the real thing, tugging blocks too hard will cause the (virtual) tower to collapse.

You know what the worst part is though? Slamming this thing into the ground will never be as satisfying as tossing the rest of a real Jenga tower across the room after you lose. [From: UberGizmo]

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Car Tech, Cameras

Security Cam Catches Thief, Thanks to Name and Birthdate Tattoo

Thief Caught on Camera, Has Name and Birthday Tatooed on Neck

What kind of criminal gets his name and birth-date tattooed on his neck? The simple answer -- not a very bright one. Aaron Evans, a 21-year-old repeat offender with an extremely troubled background, was caught on film breaking into a vehicle setup by U.K. police in a parking lot to catch opportunistic thieves.

Evans smashed open the driver's side window of the car and stole a planted GPS device. Unfortunately, he didn't notice the closed circuit security camera (CCTV) on the passenger side of the car. The camera got a perfectly clear shot of the young man's identifying neck tattoo.

Since Evans isn't capable of reading and writing, we're wondering if he even knows what the markings on neck say. [From: Telegraph]

Computers

Computer Users Still Fooled By Fake Pop-Ups, Study Finds

Study Shows Computer Users are Moron
Despite the best efforts of tech savvy friends and Web sites (like this one), you, the Web-using public, simply continue your bad browsing habits. A new study shows, and we mean this in the nicest way possible, that you're just not listening.

Faculty from the psychology department at North Carolina State University conducted a study in which students were presented with a series of fake Windows dialog boxes while using a browser. Four boxes were crafted containing the following warning: "The instruction at '0x77f41d24 referenced memory at '0x595c2a4c.' The memory could not be 'read.' Click OK to terminate program." One was nearly indistinguishable from a standard Windows XP dialog box, but the other three contained clear warning signs that it may install malware.

Of the 42 students observed, 25 students clicked the OK button in two of the fake dialog boxes, missing the cursor turning to a hand over the OK button -- this indicates a link in a browser window, a sure sign for caution. 23 students clicked on the third fake, which showed the browser status bar at the bottom of the window. As a comparison, 26 clicked on the "real" warning box.

Only nine users closed the dialog boxes using the close button on the window border, and a few just simply minimized the window or dragged it out of the way. None of the users spent any significant amount of time reading or looking at the windows, indicating that they weren't even bothering to think about them.

The authors of the study suggest that more training might help users recognize the warning signs and become better browsers, through most users seem content to follow Download Squads 'Five Ways to Surf Like a Complete Moron.' Maybe, if we started breaking out the Karate moves and reciting Bob Dylan lyrics we'd have an easier time getting through to all those pop-up-clickers out there. [From: Ars Technica]

Audio/Video, Computers

Zune Tattoo Guy Covering Up His Tattoos


Say it ain't so! America's most loyal advocate for Microsoft's Zune is apparently throwing in the towel. Of course, we should warn you that this could very well be a simple ploy for attention, but if the man keeps his word, he will soon be covering his Zune tattoos with... something else.

Curiously, he didn't say whether or not he would be playing the traitor card and picking up some sort of iPod, but considering that more people have seen this guy's body art in the wild than actual Zunes, the general public should know soon enough. You fought a good fight, Zune Guy, but consider yourself expelled from The Social. [Source: zunescene]

[Thanks to everyone who sent this in]

Computers

EasyChair WorkStation Solves That Whole "Get Out of Bed" Dilemma


It's time to take a long, hard look at where we're headed as a society. No, really -- we've got office chairs coming to kill comradeship, specially designed lapboards made to keep you sedentary for as long as humanly possible, and now we're looking at the perfect device for keeping Earthlings in bed for days on end.

The EasyChair WorkStation line of products essentially puts your laptop on wheels, and the adjustable boom arm ensures that you can reach the keys / trackpad regardless of which side you wake up on. We're hearing a bedpan attachment is in the works as well, but we're feeling entirely too lazy to actually check.

[EasyChair WorkStation Via TechDigest]

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