funny posts

Microsoft Store Employees (Electric) Slide to Humiliating New Lows

by Warren Riddle (RSS feed) — Nov 18th 2009 at 3:20PM

Being forced to use moronic terms like "paradigm," "outside-the-box," and "proactive" can be depressing for corporate employees. But suffering through humiliating and soul-crushing corporate rituals can be even more debilitating to one's sense of individuality and autonomy.

While ~~reeducation camps~~ corporate retreats and orchestrated events are popular among big businesses, very few companies attract as much publicity as Microsoft does for its ridiculous and embarrassing stunts. Apparently hell-bent on eradicating the sense of self-worth in its employees, Microsoft recently forced workers at the inaugural Microsoft Store in California to perform a (somewhat) synchronized electric slide dance routine (video after the break). The incredibly uncomfortable display, which features a heavy dose of overweight white dudes (and awkwardly faded jeans), doesn't appear spontaneous at all and lasts for an intensely painful four minutes and 44 seconds.

Tags: funny, microsoft, microsoft store, MicrosoftStore, top, viral video, ViralVideo, weird

Car Tech

$1.6M Bugatti No Match For a Low-Flying Pelican

by Amar Toor (RSS feed) — Nov 16th 2009 at 3:01PM

It's official. The birds are attacking.

For the second time in a month, a single bird has defied the odds and taken down a piece of machinery many times its size. According to the Lufkin Daily News, Andy House was cruising down the roads of La Marque, Texas in his $1.6 million Bugatti Veyron last Wednesday, minding his own business and talking on the phone (which, we are sure, didn't contribute to his lack of concentration even a bit), when all of a sudden, a low-flying pelican distracted him. Startled, he swerved to avoid it, dropped his cell phone, and, somewhere along the line, hit a mud patch and skidded into a salt water lagoon. A couple of car-savvy admirers amazingly caught the entire thing on video (after the break), though the pelican [Ed note: Right. "Pelican."], like a true professional, isn't anywhere to be found in the footage.

Giggles aside, the accident is actually pretty tragic, considering that there are only 15 of these cars in the U.S. Don't worry, all may not be lost. The vehicle's owner, fortunately, runs a business called Performance Auto Sales, which specializes in exotic car repairs. We're not really master mechanics, but we have a feeling that the rehab will go along just swimmingly. [From: Lufkin Daily News, via: AutoBlog]

Tags: birds, bugatti veyron, BugattiVeyron, car, funny, luxury, nature, top

Video Games

Mario's Wardrobe Wanderings: From Boots to Bees

by Warren Riddle (RSS feed) — Nov 14th 2009 at 10:28AM

As the highly anticipated U.S. release of 'New Super Mario Bros. Wii' rapidly approaches, reviews and screen shots are, little by little, revealing details about the game. (One quick, significant question before we go any further: How in the name of Bowser did Australia get the game before we did?!)

The latest installment in the saga of your favorite 'shroom-eating plumber series apparently adds some awesome new outfits to Mario's extensive and eclectic closet -- Propeller and Penguin suits being chief among them. In honor of Mushroom World couture, Kotaku is celebrating the best and most ridiculous of Mario's many suits. Click through to behold both the always popular Tanooki Suit and the oft forgotten Goomba's Shoe costume.

Tags: funny, list, mario, new super mario bros., NewSuperMarioBros., top, videogames, wii

Cell Phones

Crook Who Texted Cops His 'Preferred' Mugshot Gets Nabbed

by Caleb Johnson (RSS feed) — Nov 13th 2009 at 12:35PM

Remember Matthew Maynard? He's the image-conscious crook who sent his own photo to a UK newspaper via text message because he was unhappy with the police mugshot they published. Just when we thought Maynard's vanity had peaked, it turns out the 24-year-old burglary suspect was arrested Wednesday while getting his hair cut at a Swansea, South Wales, barber shop. According to The Sun, a person walking past the shop recognized Maynard and called the police. One witness told The Sun, Maynard was still sitting in the barber's chair "...laughing about as the cops stormed in to haul him off."

When police issued Maynard's mugshot as part of a larger crackdown on crime, the suspect contacted the newspaper. He told the staff he wasn't happy with his look (we don't blame him), and that he would send a better pic. So, Maynard donned some neon yellow pants and a black coat, and just to really stick it to the man, he used his cell phone to snap a photo of himself in front of a police van. Then, he sent the photo via text message to The Evening Post, which ran the shot on the front page.

The BBC News reports that Maynard is now in custody at the Swansea Central police station. At least in his new mugshot, Maynard's hair will be well-coiffed. Let's just hope he looks good in stripes. [From: The Sun and BBC News]

Tags: crime, dumbcriminal, funny, mugshot, texting, thief, top

Video Games

'Street Fighter' Tattoo Takes 'Chic' Out of Geek Chic, Maybe 'Geek,' Too

by JP Mangalindan (RSS feed) — Nov 11th 2009 at 2:25PM

We've seen a lot of geeky tattoos: a flaming 20-sided die, a Pac-Man maze on the rear, and, of course, the mind-boggling Born Oppenheimer Approximation. Still, if we had to choose, the award for "worst tattoo ever" would go to the above 'Shoryuken' brand.

For 'Street Fighter' newbies, the Shoryuken, or 'Dragon Punch,' is an easily executed trademark move used by two characters in the game. To pull it off, all you need to do is hit forward, down, down-forward, and then tap the punch button on the controller. But if you look closely, that's not exactly the directions this unfortunate fellow got on his forearm.

Call us crazy, but we predict a trip to the dermatologist in the near future. [From: Geekologie]

Tags: funny, geek, geek chic, GeekChic, street-fighter, tattoo, top, videogames

Car Tech, iPhone

Phoneride the Whip: Drive Your Car With Your iPhone

by Lee Bains (RSS feed) — Nov 11th 2009 at 12:40PM

Anybody who's ~~anybody~~ familiar with Bay Area rap or viral video has long known about ghost-riding the whip. If you aren't among those music or Internet dorks, though, the idea of prancing around on the hood of an unmanned car, with the shifter in drive and brakes disengaged, might strike you as dangerous, or just dumb. We know. It's because it has nothing to do with your radical new iPhone, right?

Well, lucky for you, the team at National Instruments' Waterloo Labs can show you how to whip that ghost-ride into submission, smartphone-style. In the amazingly brief video (after the break), these fine young engineers explain how to transform your hooptie into a wirelessly controlled awesome-mobile. With little more than National Instruments' LabVIEW software, a Compact RIO, a couple small motors, one wireless router, and two open-end wrenches, these young Texans cruise Austin's roadways from the roof of their Oldsmobile Delta 88 -- accelerating, braking, and steering via an iPhone.

Tags: car, diy, funny, iphone, top, waterloo labs, WaterlooLabs, wireless

Top Lists, Google, Web

Google Data Shows the Most Obscenity-Obsessed U.S. Cities

by Terrence O'Brien (RSS feed) — Nov 11th 2009 at 8:25AM

Google Trends Reveal the Most Obscenity Obsessed Cities in America

Last year, The Business Insider -- inspired by an obscenity case in Pensacola, Florida -- checked out the Google Trends data for each of the "seven dirty words." The defense attorney in the case had planned to use Google search data to show that Pensacola's morals were lax in comparison to the rest of the country. The research never saw the light of day, but that didn't stop The Business Insider from performing its own analysis of search statistics to determine the most obscene cities in America.

A year later, The Business Insider decided it was time to update the rankings, and last year's surprise winner -- Louisville, Kentucky -- really cleaned up its act and dropped to number 10. Several major cities are featured on the list, including Boston and Philadelphia, but, amazingly, New York avoided placing in the top 10. Take that, other East Coast metropolitan areas!

Tags: cities, funny, google trends, GoogleTrends, obscenity, search engines, SearchEngines, top

Web

Google Search Suggestions Show Popular, Moronic Queries

by Leila Brillson (RSS feed) — Nov 10th 2009 at 3:24PM

The Brits are great, some of our favorite people. Well-dressed, polite, fabulous musicians, but perhaps a bit too hard on the average individual. In a recent investigation on the nature of humanity, CNET.co.uk decided to see what popular searches Google offered when prompted by simple questions, and the findings were bleak. Using 'Google Suggest,' the auto-fill feature that predicts text as it's being input into the search query, suggested that most Googlers looking for answers are, in fact, stupid. The phrases entered were examples like "Am I going..." and the Google-prompted response would be, "Into Labour?" (See, British spelling). CNET's snide answer: "Is there a brand-new human poking out of your lower body? If yes, then congratulations, you're going into labour. More accurately, you're already in it."

Fair enough; people who use the Internet can be quite daft. But that's the joy on the Web, having immediate answers to questions you might feel to, er...stupid to ask. A lost soul could type in an absurd question, like "Am I having a heart attack?" and quickly get a plethora of responses. Sure, typing in "Why can't I..." reveals the silly-sounding "Own a Canadian," but actually hearkens back to a Dr. Laura radio program. Typing, "Why would a..." in the UK Google box is finished by "...married man cheat?" but on the regular .com, we see "...a change in ph cause a protein to denature" as the top result, followed by "...a cat stop using a litter box?" Honestly, both are questions that should be answered immediately. (Note: Search results are based in popularity, so perhaps there has been a spike in pH changes recently.)

Tags: britain, funny, google, google suggest, GoogleSuggest, search, search engines, search terms, SearchEngines, SearchTerms, stupid, top

Video Games

Girl Plays 'Rock Band' With a Flute

by Caleb Johnson (RSS feed) — Nov 9th 2009 at 5:54PM

Move over, Jethro Tull. There's a new master of the flute. A girl known only as MsFrizzyHair found a way to play her flute along with songs on her brother's copy of 'Rock Band 2.' Bored with regular flute practice, this clever gal discovered she could play her flute into the video game's microphone in lieu of singing lead vocals. She's pretty good at it, too. In the posted video, she plays along with Avenged Sevenfold's "Afterlife" on expert difficulty. The result? She scored a 98-percent with a 22-phrase streak and four gold stars, which is significantly better than we'd score attempting to sing the tune.

What can we learn from this? Other than the fact that this girl has some serious flute skills, Harmonix probably shouldn't invest in a woodwind version of its best-selling franchise. This young lady stumbled on a neat parlor trick, not a new idea for a video game. Then again, 'Flute Hero' or 'Rock Band: Xylophone' might just be the sleeper video game hit of 2010. [From: YouTube, via Neatorama]

Tags: funny, harmonix, music, rockband, top, videogames, youtube

Web

Employees' Extramarital E-Mails Creep Out Entire Cornell Campus

by Amar Toor (RSS feed) — Nov 9th 2009 at 3:12PM

Ithaca may be "Gorges," but an ugly e-mail blunder has recently rocked the New York college town, eliciting a region-wide cringe. A married consultant employed at Cornell University, known as John, recently sent a long series of salacious e-mails to his mistress, a Cornell Business School employee named Lisa (also married). And now the entire school knows about it.

See, in a recent email to his illicit lover, John accidentally CC'd the entire school, and now everyone with an Internet connection knows about the darkest, kinkiest corners of their affair. Guest of a Guest has posted the full e-mail exchange (not safe for work), along with the philanderers' photos, so go ahead and check it out if you want. Here's a (comparatively tame) sample from John: "I think about the time spent on your couch often, in that regard. Plus, I also recall looking deep into your eyes, touching your face, and kissing you SO DEEPLY."

Tags: cheating, dumb, email, embarrassing, funny, privacy, romance, top

Google, Web

Think You Can Answer Google's Job Interview Questions?

by Amar Toor (RSS feed) — Nov 8th 2009 at 8:45AM

Many of us are fascinated by Google's super laid-back, just-wanna-have-fun work environment, especially when juxtaposed with its massive financial success. The company having long been considered one of the world's best employers, ~~dorks~~ people like us have always wondered what it takes to land a cushy position in those San Francisco offices. Now, thanks to the release of some alleged sample interview questions, we know. You've just got to know the "significance of dead beef."

Well, that, and a host of other really weird things (e.g., How many piano tuners are there in the world? How many golf balls can fit inside a school bus?). The interview does have its fair share of typically techie, super-complex questions -- the kinds of things you'd expect most Google geniuses to know -- but the oddball questions are by far the most fascinating. That being said, we're not so much intrigued by their impossible difficulty (Asking impossible questions can give you a feel for someone's thought process.) as we are by their tinges of quirky humor. We don't know this for certain, but we assume that the Google execs would probably approve of anyone who would appreciate the weird sense of humor underscoring these questions and would answer accordingly. Above all, the queries give some insight into that rare breed of brilliant yet zany person that Google is clearly seeking.

Tags: employment, funny, google, google corporate, GoogleCorporate, job interview, JobInterview, jobs, top, weird

Champion Crowned in Global Socket Showdown

by Warren Riddle (RSS feed) — Nov 7th 2009 at 2:26PM

Forget the upcoming Winter Olympics, CNET UK has pitted the nations of the world against one another in a heated competition that is inspiring fevered displays of national pride. And, just like the real Olympics, the sporting spectacle has been marred by outraged participants and furious non-qualifiers, as well as caustic accusations of impartiality, ethnocentrism, and corruption.

The contest (if you can call it a contest) has been dubbed 'Plug vs. Plug' (C'mon, Brits. Couldn't you come up with something a little more creative and ~~colourful~~ colorful, like 'The Plug Rumble?'), and seeks to anoint the most effective and formidable plug-and-socket combo in the world. It's not too difficult to guess which national team the hoity-toity, high-and-mighty Redcoats crowned champion, but the hilarious and scathing comment section alone is undoubtedly worth a visit. [From: CNET UK]

Tags: ac power, AcPower, electrical, funny, list, power outlet, PowerOutlet, sockets, top

Cell Phones

Some T-Mobile Users See Nude Strangers on Their Profile Pages

by Warren Riddle (RSS feed) — Nov 6th 2009 at 6:01PM

T-Mobile is apparently offering a scintillating ('Titillating' would have been far too easy and predictable.) new feature for people with online accounts: pics of naked girls. The Consumerist is reporting that when ~~T&A-~~ T-Mobile subscriber "Andrew" signed in to his account to check a bill payment recently, a picture of an unfamiliar, topless female appeared on his profile page, within his MobileLife photo album.

Andrew also claims that when he signed in again later, yet more nudie shots appeared. After the Consumerist broke Andrew's shocking story, the site was flooded with still more reports of even raunchier images appearing on T-Mobile profile pages. When asked for a comment, a T-Mobile spokesperson told the Consumerist that the company is investigating the incidents, which it claims are "not common."

Tags: funny, mobilelife, porn, t-mobile

Cell Phones

Wanted Thief Texts Mugshot to Local Paper, Old Pic Too Ugly

by JP Mangalindan (RSS feed) — Nov 6th 2009 at 4:21PM

Fugitives, take note. If you're disgruntled over that unflattering mugshot, follow Matthew Maynard's lead and send in one of your own.

Last Monday, the 23-year-old Welshman took cheekiness to the next level by texting The Evening Post a shot of himself, posing in front of a police van and dressed in matching neon yellow trousers. Maynard, wanted in conjunction with a burglary in Swansea, South Wales, was apparently unhappy with the official mugshot, according to The Daily Telegraph.

South Wales Police had originally issued his mugshot, along with those of seven other suspects, as part of a larger crackdown that eventually led to 81 arrests in 48 hours. Four of the pictured suspects were picked up within hours, but Maynard remains one of the four still at large. After receiving his sensational new photo, The Evening Post responded in kind by splashing it all over the front page of today's paper. "He thinks he's being clever by showing off like this, but we'll have him in soon now," said one officer. "Everyone in Swansea will know what he looks like now." Prison time is a big price to pay for your vanity, Matthew. [From: The Evening Post, The Daily Telegraph, and The Daily Mail]

Tags: crime, dumbcriminal, funny, mugshot, police, texting, weird

Audio/Video, iPod, Web

iTunes Auto-Censor Targets '50s Doo-Wop

by Warren Riddle (RSS feed) — Nov 6th 2009 at 1:40PM

Despite its staid and strict stance against nudity and racy apps, Apple is continuing its unofficial practice of turning perfectly harmless words into demeaning slurs. Apple's censoring depends on a program that scans the iTunes database for dirty words, replacing the offending letters with asterisks.

The problem with this auto-censorship is that it doesn't recognize context. As a result, innocent words are sometimes altered, ironically and immediately making people think of those alternate, more devious usages. According to the Guardian, the latest to fall prey to the asterisk is the style of music known as "doo-wop," whose name contains a word sometimes used as a slur against Italian-Americans. The word, with which many people were probably unfamiliar prior to the asterisk fiasco, appeared as "w*p" throughout iTunes as of this morning (it's since been changed back to doo-wop).

It's probably time to let the auto-censor go, Apple. Since you're now worth over $170 billion, you should probably be able to hire some human scanners. You know, ones that could actually discern between musical genres and racist terminology. [From: The Guardian]

Tags: Apple, doo wop, DooWop, funny, iTunes, music, racism, top

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'Black Friday' Deals to Watch For

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Black Friday' Deals to Watch For

Traditionalists might balk, but the holiday shopping season is already underway. Skeptical? Head to your local department store and you'll be inundated by Christmas trees and ornaments. Bargain hunters, though, know that the real deals are more than a month away.

Black Friday, traditionally, is when retailers truly slash prices. Early birds can save hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars off of their holiday bills. Switched.com checked with a few elves, who gave a sneak peek at what you can expect deal-wise this year.

Blu-ray Players and Movies: Blu-ray is shaping up to be the biggest door buster of this year's Black Friday. de Grandpre expects at least one retailer will offer a Blu-ray player for just $49. Look for bargains on Blu-ray films as well, with last year's hit titles (such as "Iron Man") to fall as low as $5.

Laptops: With the proliferation of Netbooks this year, it's never been easier to find affordable portable computing, but Dan de Grandpre, CEO of DealNews.com says it will get even cheaper on Black Friday. Look for well-equipped Netbooks to sell for $199 – and basic 15" laptops to go for as little as $249.

HDTVs (Pretty big): The holidays are typically the best time to buy a new TV – and Black Friday is the time to do it. If you're looking for a normal sized set, you're in luck. Piper Jaffrey analyst Mitch Kaiser says he expects to see 32-inch LCD sets for as low as $299. GottaDeal.com is estimating 37-inch plasma and LCD sets will fall to $399 or less.

HDTVs (Really big): Need something bigger? How about a 46-47 inch LCD set for $599 – a 25 percent savings? Or a 52-inch LCD for $999? Dealnews says you can expect both. Plasma deals will be a little harder to come by, but a 50-inch set should run roughly $899.

HD Camcorders: You've wanted to shoot your child's school play in HD for a while, but haven't been able to spring for the pricey camcorder. This might be the year. Low-end, flash-based 720p models could drop as low as $60 (though you won't be able to zoom with those). Expect a high quality 1080p HD camcorder for $349.

GPS: While navigation systems have dramatically expanded their reach this year – even making it onto the iPhone – there's still a market for car-based systems. Dealnews predicts you'll be able to find a no-name entry-level system for $49, while a Garmin or Tom-Tom brand will be as low as $69.

Digital Picture Frames: Showcasing your digital pictures consistently gets cheaper. This year, skip the 7-inch screens and focus on the 8- or 9-inch ones, which should be available on Black Friday for as little as $30.

Monitors: Computer monitors might not be the sexiest of gifts, but they're usually welcomed with open arms – and they'll be cheap this year. Name brand 22-inch LCD models may go for as low as $99, while 24-inch models will drop below $150.

Memory: Don't know anyone who needs a monitor? External hard drives are always popular, since they're an easy way to back-up data. Dealnews expects a 1TB drive to fall as low as $49 this year. Gottadeal is looking for 8GB flash drives to hit $15.

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