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What Would a World Without Internet Look Like?

What Would a World Without Internet Look Like?

Ever wonder what the Net-addicted masses would do if the Web suddenly disappeared? So has Cracked, which enlisted its readers in a contest to create Photoshopped images of what a world without the Internet might look like.

We don't want to ruin all the surprises, but highlights include: a theater full of people watching a live performance from an adorable cat; a resurrected Virgin Records taunting former file-sharers; a line around the block just to get into a porn shop; lastly, (our favorite) a student getting an "A" on a spelling and grammar quiz.

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Web

Types of YouTube Videos That Shouldn't Exist

So apparently Cracked.com has hopped on the blog-as-TV train and is turning its amazing lists into quick, montage-laden rundowns meant for our viewing pleasure. Watch (video after the break) as your glib host Michael Swain counts down the types of YouTube videos that take up far too much server space. The turtle romancing a boot has turned into a popular video, but now, thanks to Swain, viewers have learned that turtle love (especially turtle-on-inanimate object love) is a large part of the YouTube-video makeup. Other vids that we now know about, but wish we didn't: emo boys (?) making out, and adorable, but definitely illegal, videos of small dogs behind the wheel.

Let us add to Swain's list, if you will, a couple types that we ourselves have stumbled upon, much to our own chagrin. The masochistically large selection of children losing teeth via doorknobs, for instance, makes 'David at the Dentist' look like a walk in the park. Also, the number of 'Final Fantasy' tributes is absurd. Just pick a style of music, and there's a tribute video set to it. Johnny Cash? Here it is. Bon Jovi? Check. Enya? Got it covered. [From: Cracked.com]

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Video Games

Cracked Contest Brings Realism to Video Games

Enjoying films and video games often requires a suspension of disbelief on the part of the viewer or gamer. Sometimes, though, the material is so absurd and unrealistic that forgiving the inconsistencies becomes impossible. Because of those distorted portrayals, the jokesters at Cracked recently hosted a Photoshop contest, just to see "what would happen if video game makers started adding a little realism."

There are 27 total finalists, so there are some predictable (although well done) 'shop jobs, like the ridiculously huge assortment of weapons in 'Grand Theft Auto: IV'. But, wildly creative and hilarious offerings abound, too. Behold the cosmetic surgeon's waiting room -- chock full of heroines with wildly exaggerated physiques. Meanwhile, the hilarious feces-flinging 'Donkey Kong,' the 'Duck Hunt' observers, and the 'Punch-Out!' Wii Street Journal headline only reinforce what gamers have been saying and wondering aloud for the last couple of decades.

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Cell Phones

'Sexting' Not Just For Teens Anymore

Sexting may have become all the rage among the Hannah Montana generation, but that doesn't mean that the fad can't be appropriated by the uptight over-30 crowd as well.

Fortunately, Cracked has come up with some advice on how old-timers can effectively use the sexting movement to create job opportunities or spice up mundane daily activities (like ordering fast food). If you're apprehensive of joining the sexting craze -- or unsure of the lingo and proper use of emoticons like (.)(.) -- check out Cracked's tips. In no time at all, you'll be on the proper end of the "Drive Thru Window + No Pants = Free Big Mac" equation. [From: Cracked]

Web

How and When Will Humans Become Obsolete?

How and When Will People Become Obsolete?
It's going to happen. Eventually, me, you, and all the rest of the people on this planet are going to become relics of a bygone era. We'll be obsolete in a world overrun with technology that would have spun the head of someone trying to comprehend it a century prior. So how do we deal with a world in which we are no longer the dominant life form? By making fun of it and using filthy language, of course!

Cracked has collected five of the most likely ways the human race is bound to be rendered obsolete, and, of course, all of them involve our reliance on technology. Will we be destroyed by a renegade army of self-aware robots? Or will we simply become so reliant upon technology that our human personalities will be eclipsed by our digital ones? We might even be in the midst of our own extinction right now.

Some experts have predicted that we may be reaching the end of an era of technological advancement, which may result in famine, job shortages, and an economic downturn of epic proportions (umm...). They predict that the end result will be civilization's collapse and humanity's extinction. Fun, right?

Check out the rest of the list at Cracked to have a good laugh at the eventual demise of the human race. [From: Cracked]

Computers, Web

Bad Tech Support, Demystified

Cracked Explains

It's no secret that tech support and customer service, in general, are deep black-holes of wasted time and unsolved problems. What you may not realize is that there are actual reasons for tech support's frequent suckiness.

For example, call centers are staffed with the absolute minimum number of agents, in order to save costs. And, while it may be annoying to be asked if your PC is plugged in or not, calls are monitored to make sure that the reps are precisely following the ridiculous scripts that require they ask such boneheaded questions.

The folks at Cracked do cover 'Why Tech Support Sucks,' in their trademark, snarky, vulgar manner, of course. But, while earning a good chuckle, they also help you to understand that your unpleasant experience is not always the support person's fault.

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Web

E-Vigilantes Take Justice Into Their Own Virtual Hands



The Internet has empowered people to do things they wouldn't normally have had the chance to do: Write, sell photographs, start a business, and, in some cases, become a crusader for justice. Internet vigilantism isn't necessarily new, but it has grown in power and popularity as the Web has become more social and access to it has become more widespread.

The folks at Cracked, purveyors of hilarious Internet lists, compiled their favorite tales of the Internet masses taking justice into their own virtual hands. This list includes vigilante targets such as Sasha Gomez, who, after stealing a Sidekick, found herself the target of an Internet harassment campaign, and NYPD officer Patrick Pogan, who ended up a YouTube celebrity after knocking the crap out of a cyclist for no good reason, secured places for themselves in the list.

Check out the read link for six more examples of e-vigilantism. [From: Cracked]

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Computers

Diebold Admits Its Electronic Voting Machines Are Faulty

For years, Diebold has embarrassed itself by claiming that obvious faults were actually not faults at all, and during the past decade or so, it mastered the act of pointing the finger. Now that it has ironically renamed itself Premier Election Solutions, it's finally coming clean.

According to spokesman Chris Riggall, a "critical programming error that can cause votes to be dropped while being electronically transferred from memory cards to a central tallying point" has been part of the software for ten years. The flaw is on both optical scan and touchscreen machines, and while Mr. Riggall asserts that the logic error probably didn't ruin any elections (speaking of logic error...), the outfit's president has confessed to being "distressed" about the ordeal. More like "distressed" about the increasingly bleak future of his company.

[From: The Washington Post via Techdirt]

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