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Father Spoke Only Klingon to His Infant Son

Cruel Father Spoke Only Klingon to his Infant Son
We're pretty sure that what Minnesota man d'Armond Speers did to his child could easily be defined as cruel and unusual punishment. For the first three years of his son's life, Speers spoke only a foreign language to him as part of a personal experiment in linguistics -- that's the cruel part. The unusual part is that he didn't even speak a real (nonetheless useful) language to him -- he spoke Klingon.

That's right, Speers decided to put his computational linguistics Ph.D. to use by trying to ensure his son would never be able to communicate with anyone outside of the nerdiest members of a Star Trek convention. Worst of all, Speers claims he isn't even a huge 'Star Trek' fan, according to City Pages, a Minneapolis/St. Paul news blog. So was he was doing this just for fun? Apparently so, since Speers grew bored of his experiment after three years when he decided that his son was, "definitely starting to learn it." Now a teenager, his son doesn't speak a word of Klingon, and is able to converse fluently in English, something we're very happy to hear.

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Computers

Microsoft Store Employees (Electric) Slide to Humiliating New Lows


Being forced to use moronic terms like "paradigm," "outside-the-box," and "proactive" can be depressing for corporate employees. But suffering through humiliating and soul-crushing corporate rituals can be even more debilitating to one's sense of individuality and autonomy.

While reeducation camps corporate retreats and orchestrated events are popular among big businesses, very few companies attract as much publicity as Microsoft does for its ridiculous and embarrassing stunts. Apparently hell-bent on eradicating the sense of self-worth in its employees, Microsoft recently forced workers at the inaugural Microsoft Store in California to perform a (somewhat) synchronized electric slide dance routine (video after the break). The incredibly uncomfortable display, which features a heavy dose of overweight white dudes (and awkwardly faded jeans), doesn't appear spontaneous at all and lasts for an intensely painful four minutes and 44 seconds.

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Audio/Video, Green Tech

Dancepants Like This (Which Power iPods), Baby, They Were Born To Run

For many of us, music is the only way we can get through a grueling session at the gym. But if you've ever wanted to feel more in touch with your MP3 player or to sync appropriate music to your run, a new pair of pants may be just the thing.

The new Dancepants Kinetic Music Player is, basically, a hamster wheel for music lovers. Although it may look like any other pair of track pants you might see flashing by as you eat an ice-cream cone on a park bench, the Dancepants actually have a built-in generator that can power your MP3 player -- as long as you keep moving. The conceptual pants convert the kinetic energy generated with each stride into electric energy, which in turn fuels your music. So, as long as you keep going, the music flows. Once you stop, the music dies.

Until we find out the minimum walking speed at which the pants can work, we'll probably opt for the couch and a laptop. But if you are bold enough to take the Dancepants out for a spin, allow us to make a couple of playlist suggestions. [From: Designboom, via: Engadget]

iPhone

'Fit or Fugly?' Apps Uses Golden Ratio to Determine Your Beauty

How is beauty truly measured? That's been a much-debated question for quite some time. But the creators of a new iPhone application have the answer: symmetry. According to the Huffington Post, 'Fit or Fugly' uses Fibonacci's Golden Ratio to determine your face's degree of symmetry, which apparently correlates to how good looking you are. For just $0.99, you can download the app, upload a photo of yourself (or maybe a thick-skinned friend), place anchor pins on the eyes, ears, chin, mouth, and nose, and you'll instantly find out if you're hot or not. Unfortunately, 'Fit or Fugly' isn't even the most superficial app we've seen.

Of course, it's a big hit with consumers, earning rave reviews and such incisive testimonials as: "This is a very cool app...simple and fun...I tried the app with a pic of a hobo and a baby and they were both fugly!!!" We don't condone judging the beauty of either hobos or babies, but whatever you do, avoid using this app on your mom or girlfriend. Thank us later, when you're not homeless and single. [From: Huffington Post]

Computers

Computer Company Displays 'Mona Lisa' Made From Motherboards

There aren't too many mysteries left out there, but the 'Mona Lisa' endures. We still might not know what, exactly, makes her smile, but this recreation of Leonardo Da Vinci's famous 'Mona Lisa' sure did put a grin on our faces. According to Neatorama, this piece of art isn't in a museum. Instead, it's placed in the lobby of ASUS International, a computer parts manufacturer in Taipei, Taiwain, and is composed entirely of old computer motherboards and the like.

This got us thinking about other examples of technology and art colliding in wonderful ways. We've seen salvaged PCs made into sculptures of biological viruses and an impressive collection of techno-art at Royal Pingdom, but our favorite has to be Palo Alto, California's enormous egg, constructed of old circuit boards.

Leonardo could draw, paint, and sculpt, but let's see him work with circuit boards, hard drives, and other components. The results, we think, might've been a little different. [From: Neatorama]

Zoo Replaces Dead Polar Bears With Animatronic Ones, Shatters Dreams

What's the story, Missouri? All the rest of the states enjoy technology. We surf on the Facebook, and send the textings, and play 'The World of the Warcraft,' and so forth. And you know what? We have fun with it. But you -- you, Missouri -- you have to go and pee on our parade, don't you? You have to take technology and make it evil.

Well, Mizzou, we've had enough. We don't know what's more disturbing: the Post-Dispatch's report that the St. Louis Zoo has replaced its deceased polar bears with animatronic ones, or that the paper didn't deem it worthy of any further mention than the above photograph and caption. Or, rather, the above photograph and half-caption: "James Williams positions an electronic polar bear Thursday at the St. Louis Zoo. James Trogolo Co. sells holiday decorations." Allow us to offer this as an alternative: "James Williams installs an electronic polar bear at the St. Louis Zoo, disinstalls magic from children's lives, ruins Christmas and holidays for all of St. Louis." In the spirit of the great Abraham J. Simpson, may we say: for shame, Missouri. For shame. [From: St. Louis Post-Dispatch, via: Riverfront Times]

Video Games

Teen Claims Kidnappers Forced Him to Buy PS3 at Walmart

Used to be, back in the golden years of kidnapping, abductors would only demand a ransom in exchange for their victims. Nowadays, though, as the video game generation matures into criminal adulthood, typical demands are becoming a bit more... peculiar.

Teenager Kyle Yarkosky, of Florida, claims that a fellow teen named David Daniels and another unnamed suspect abducted him last Monday, held him at gunpoint, and forced him to buy a PlayStation 3. Allegedly, Yarkosky was walking down the street when the two suspects pulled to the side, forced him into their truck, and took his stepfather's credit card. Naples News reports that the trio then drove to Wal-Mart, where Daniels had intentions of buying a gun. Seeing the gun counter closed (Don't you just hate when that happens?), they decided to get a PS3 instead, on Yarkosky's bill. (If you can't shoot real people, you might as well shoot fake ones, right?)

Somewhere, Buffalo Bill is shaking his head in disgust. [From: Naples News, via Joystiq]

Computers

Robot Fighter Jet Shot Down After Malfunction


Proving that we might not be quite ready to enter into the space age of modern warfare, a robot-controlled U.S. fighter jet went haywire in Afghanistan Sunday, and had to be shot down to prevent disaster. According to USAFCENT Public Affairs, the plane was "flying a combat mission when positive control of the MQ-9 was lost." That can't be good. Before the rogue robot could get too far afield, though, a good, old-fashioned human-controlled jet was called in to shoot it down to earth.

Causes of the military mishap aren't yet clear, though the Register humorously speculates:
"It wasn't clear from the US military announcement whether the erratic death-bot had turned on its masters and was planning an attack on critical US logistics bases located north of the Afghan border, or whether it had sickened of reaping hapless fleshies like corn and was hoping merely to escape. Alternatively the machine assassin may merely have succumbed to boredom or - just possibly - a mundane, non-anthropomorphic technical fault of some kind."
It's a good thing it was quickly resolved. We all know the kind of worldwide doom and destruction that "going rogue" can bring upon the world. [From: The Register, via Geekologie and io9]

Web, Social Networking

Twitter Autobiographies: 140bio Feeds the Narcissism

Getting published was once the true signifier of an established and bona-fide writer. With its new "paperback microbiographies," though, 140bio is allowing anyone with a Twitter account to join that formerly elite class of professional and accomplished scribes.

For $18.99, the company will actually print your last 3,200 tweets in chronological order, even the replies if you so choose, and then bind them in one of two paperback styles. So, if you're sick of boring your friends and holiday guests with insufferable vacation videos, you can now irritate them with the most self-serving and insubstantial publication that has ever been printed (with the possible exception of the Sarah Palin autobiography). [From: 140bio, via Textually]

Visionaries

Shrinky Dinks Build Chips on the Cheap

Shrinky Dinks Used to Build Chips on the Cheap
Do you remember Shrinky Dinks? That's okay. Neither do most of the Switched staffers -- the bunch of whippersnappers they are [Ed Note: Not true. We love them.]. The once-popular, plastic arts-and-craft set, which first hit the scene in 1973, allowed children to color and cut out shapes on a thin sheet of plastic. When the shapes were put in the oven, they would shrink to one-third of their original width, becoming thick and rigid. Well, it turns out that making tacky charms is just scratching the surface of this toy's potential.

Back in 2006, University of California at Irvine assistant professor Michelle Khine couldn't afford to outfit her lab with the $100,000 worth of equipment needed to create microfluidic chips. Frustrated and impatient, she turned to an updated version of Shrinky Dinks -- one that lets you run the aforementioned plastic sheets through a standard inkjet or laser printer. Needing the chips to create medical diagnostic tests, she took a shot in the dark by printing her chip designs on Shrinky Dinks, and then baking them. When the sheets shrunk, the ink clumped together and formed tiny ridges. She then used the minis as molds for the circuits she made out of a flexible polymer called PDMS.

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Cameras

New Toothbrush Equipped With Tiny Spy Cam

For the spy with a thing for dental hygiene, may we present the perfect gift: It's overpriced ($243), electric, and it'll record grainy video while polishing pearly whites. The Pinhole Spy Toothbrush Hidden Camera DVR proves that there's nothing that can't house a tiny camera and be sold to the masses. This gizmo can record about four hours of video at 640-by-480 pixels before needing a recharge, and stores the resulting footage on its 8 gigabytes of internal flash memory.

Usually, we don't want to watch any footage that was recorded in a bathroom, but this spy camera could really help solve some perplexing mysteries. Wondering who used all the shampoo? Or what's the cause of that dried toothpaste in the sink? Or, worst of all, can't figure out who peed on the seat? Well, now you can.

OK, maybe that's wishful thinking. But this might make a nice addition to your collection of weird bathroom gadgets. In fact, we think the spy cam toothbrush would look quite nice sitting next to the accelerometer toothbrush. [From: Gizmodo, via Ubergizmo]

Web

Lady Gaga Pimps Her Own Earbuds in New Music Video

We don't want to give Lady Gaga any more hype than what she already amasses on a daily basis, but her new commercial video for "Bad Romance" positively deserves comment. Besides googly anime eyes, white vinyl body suits, razor blade sunglasses, 'True Blood'-inspired travel coffins, and a whole lot of fire, "Bad Romance" features a staggering number of gadget product placements, including the Beats by Dre laptop, Parrot by Starck's iPod speakers, and -- of course -- Lady Gaga's own Heartbeats headphones.

While "Bad Romance" lacks the narrative and awesome wheelchair/pop-and-lock dance sequence of the fantastical, Jonas Akerlund-directed "Paparazzi," it's still a delicious piece of eye candy. What's more, Lady Gaga wears at least one of the outfits and three pairs of the crazy shoes presented in Alexander McQueen's alien-inspired Spring 2010 ready-to-wear show. The pièce de résistance, though, is the bear-skin dress with a bear-head train she dons toward the end. Please watch the video after the break and revel in this ridiculousness. [From: YouTube]

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Cell Phones, Celebrities

Knockoff Michael Jackson Cell Phone Redefines Gaudy

When King of Pop Michael Jackson passed away earlier this year, we knew the line of people waiting to profit from his death would be a long one. These bling-tastic exploitations, though, took us by surprise.

The Michael Jackson phone, manufactured by a Chinese imitation goods company, is in the very poorest of spectacularly poor taste. It boasts enough faux gold and jewels to make a Liberace impersonator cringe, and it has the audacity to come packaged with a Michael Jackson DVD. (We can only assume that the manufacturer and distributor of this shiny P.O.S. made sure the accompanying DVD was a bootleg of the highest order.)

This phone is garish, disgusting, and exploitative. That being said, at least the phone gaudily admits the fact that it's exploitative. It's honest, in a way. And that's a lot more than we can say for that streaming biopic from last month. [From: Mashable]

Google, Web

Think You Can Answer Google's Job Interview Questions?

Many of us are fascinated by Google's super laid-back, just-wanna-have-fun work environment, especially when juxtaposed with its massive financial success. The company having long been considered one of the world's best employers, dorks people like us have always wondered what it takes to land a cushy position in those San Francisco offices. Now, thanks to the release of some alleged sample interview questions, we know. You've just got to know the "significance of dead beef."

Well, that, and a host of other really weird things (e.g., How many piano tuners are there in the world? How many golf balls can fit inside a school bus?). The interview does have its fair share of typically techie, super-complex questions -- the kinds of things you'd expect most Google geniuses to know -- but the oddball questions are by far the most fascinating. That being said, we're not so much intrigued by their impossible difficulty (Asking impossible questions can give you a feel for someone's thought process.) as we are by their tinges of quirky humor. We don't know this for certain, but we assume that the Google execs would probably approve of anyone who would appreciate the weird sense of humor underscoring these questions and would answer accordingly. Above all, the queries give some insight into that rare breed of brilliant yet zany person that Google is clearly seeking.

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Cell Phones

Senior Citizen Sexting on the Rise

Troubling instances of teen sexting have been all over the news as of late, with randy kids and their sexy messages and photographs often leading to public derision, expulsion, and sometimes even arrest. Thankfully, the disturbing trend among the nation's youth seems to be nearing an end.

The primary reason? Because it looks like old people are getting into it. We know (gag), and we're sorry, but the American Association of Retired People (AARP) Web site recently posted a story that details the growing popularity of raunchy text exchanges among senior citizens. (Hopefully it's exaggerating.) One man named Roger (His last name was apparently withheld to prevent his grandchildren from jabbing pencils into their eyes and ears.) told the AARP, "I'll say, 'You have an amazing body. You have amazing breasts.' The next thing you know, you'll get a picture of a breast." Shudder.

So, the next time you see Grandma sheepishly grinning as she checks her cell, don't even try to wipe the memory of this indelible story from your brain. It will, unfortunately, be permanently seared into your subconscious. Again, our apologies. [From: AARP via Tech Radar and Gawker]

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