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High-Brow Sex Site Nerve.com to Cut Back on Nudity


High-brow smut lovers who turn to Nerve.com for artistic nude photography and lascivious essays and personals will have to soon look for new sources of nubile nudes. According to Business Week, new Nerve CEO Sean Mills has decided to make the site more mainstream by moving some of the its more lewd material, including the majority of Nerve's images of naked flesh, to a new, and so far unnamed, subscription-only site.

Hoping to attract more ad revenue, Mills told Business Week that the new site will be "better for more conservative companies," adding, "You can have something that's very hot and sexy and compelling without having to show nudity." Yeah, but will the loyal followers agree? So far, comments left on Business Week's article have been highly critical of the policy change, accusing the new CEO of selling out and ruining the bohemian feel of the site.

Making Nerve's prudish turn even more surprising is the fact that Mills was previously the president of fake news outlet The Onion, known for its irreverent, satirical attacks on pop culture. We expect some companies, like MySpace for instance, to sell out for exorbitant amounts of money. But for someone with a history at The Onion to compromise a well known site's reputation for the sake of ad dollars is somewhat sickening. At least he'd left The Onion, and had left intact its motto of "America's Finest News Source," before he started listening to overtures from The Man. [From: Business Week]

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Video Games

New Game Has One Strategy: Shoot People Directly in the Face


Do you enjoy first-person shooter games, but get annoyed by actually having to play the game, instead of effortlessly dealing out death and destruction? Then, read on, fellow animated death mongers. Parody news site The Onion has a new game to help satiate your thirst for simulated blood and brain matter.

Granted, 1PS (first person shooter) games, such as 'Call of Duty,' are awesome, but they're typically really, really hard. Even on the 'Easy' setting, it's incredibly difficult to run headlong into enemy forces, trying to vanquish and demoralize your opponents solely with point-blank head shots. Some of us lack the patience, or possibly the skill, to systematically snipe out opposing combatants, or to stealthily infiltrate areas behind enemy lines. But a groundbreaking new game, called 'Close Range,' changes that dynamic completely.

Gameplay involves only one button, the space bar, which you press to fire your weapon whenever a character's face appears directly in front of your gun. That's right; the game requires no aiming, or moving at all, for that matter. So, if you're too lazy to painstakingly defeat enemies through proper strategies, or you just enjoy exploding heads, check out this Peabody-worthy preview, from the Onion News Team. If you're sufficiently intrigued, you can play a demo right here. But, since this is from The Onion, if you're expecting an actual game to hit the shelves, we wouldn't suggest you get your hopes up. [From: Close Range Via: The Onion]

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Computers, Video Games

The Onion Asks: Are Games Preparing Kids for the Apocalypse?



The Onion, America's leader in fair and unbiased reporting, turned its investigative journalists loose this week to uncover the truth about violence in video games and, more specifically, whether or not games are adequately preparing our children for the impending apocalypse.

While the reporters couldn't come to a consensus on the necessary extent of preparation, they agreed that the games are in fact addressing our basic future needs (such as collecting morning dew in human skulls, and how to find a med kit to heal zombie bites). The video is a must-view for any parents concerned about the effects of violence on their children, and whether or not that violence will sufficiently and accurately train them for the inevitable End of Days. [From: BuzzFeed]

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Computers

Onion News on Sony's New Piece of S--- Gadget


Sure, the Onion is supposed to be satirical and over the top, but it certainly speaks the truth about trendy gadgets in this profanity-laced video (after the break). The clip, from the Onion News Network, reports on Sony's newest gadget, which nobody needs and doesn't really do much, yet for whatever reason, everybody needs one.

They interview a regular guy outside of an electronics store, who says the gadget has a "whole bunch more memory and megapixels" than all his other "TV s---," so naturally, he needs to get it. The unnamed gadget has "impossible to open packaging" and drives its users crazy by "flashing random words and numbers" and "not coming with the doohickey thing it's supposed to."

What really strikes a chord with us is the "irritating ad campaign" that makes it seem like the next gadget you need to own "if you don't want to feel like a toothless hillbilly living in some hillbilly shack somewhere." You'll probably notice the similarities between that and Storm ads and any new iPod promotion. Check out the video below for yourself to see how much you can relate, and remember, it's chock full of cursing, so don't watch it in public without headphones. [From: The Onion]

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Computers

'The Onion' Pits Snow Leopard Against Windows 7, Everyone Wins


After that earlier piece on global e-waste, we thought you might want something to lighten the mood. Fortunately, The Onion is ready with a sardonic, blood-shot eye turned to the respective OS releases on the way from Cupertino and Redmond. Click on through for the full comparison while we pack up things from this lame, euro coffee shop.

[Via Daring Fireball]

Video Games

Liberty City Police Face 'Allegations' Of Incompetence, Brutality




Everybody's favorite fake news site The Onion is reporting that citizens of Liberty City are getting fed up. They claim that the Liberty City Police Department (LCPD) has been negligent and generally unsuccessful in its attempts to curtail the "constant car chases, ongoing gun battles, and overall atmosphere of violence" that has become part and parcel of living in the metropolis.

The surge in crime is said to have started on April 28 at midnight -- perhaps not coincidentally, the release date of the little-known video game Grand Theft Auto IV. Since then, more than 830,000 civilians have been murdered, 35,000 vehicles have been reported stolen, and drug trafficking has become rampant while prostitution has increased by 800 percent.

"I used to feel safe in Liberty City, but lately, it's been total mayhem," said night-shift worker Lola Del Rio (pictured above), who, per usual, spoke to reporters while sucking nervously on a red lollipop. "In the past week alone, I've been carjacked twice, run over 10 times, and witness to a half-dozen gunfights that ended with automobiles exploding. What are the police doing to stop all this?"

Lawsuits await, surely [Source: The Onion]

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