The cell phone has been draining the world's sperm supply for more than 35 years already. And yet, as ubiquitous as mobiles are today, so too are the dolts who still haven't grasped how to use one responsibly. For anyone who's ever gabbed at dinner, texted on the toilet, ruined a movie, or...
DO Know Your Own Ringtone Some cell phone users are either blissfully oblivious or selectively deaf. Your cringe-inducing factory-set ringtone rings and rings and rings to the knuckle-whitening annoyance of everyone around you. And yet, despite hearing this very same chime emanate from your...
DON'T Speak From thy Throne Cell phones, like sandwiches, rarely belong in the bathroom. But, maybe you didn't get the memo. You've mistaken those three-quarter toilet-stall walls for a fortress of solitude, affording you absolute privacy to not only clack away furiously on your phone keys, but...
DO Leave the Room Time is valuable ... well, your time, anyway. Others'? Not so much, it seems. That's why you think it's OK to push the pause button on life itself in order to answer an incoming call -- without excusing yourself from the room. While you and your mystery caller catch up on old...
DO Excuse Yourself From Dinner With so many sharp knives in such close proximity, we'd have thought you'd be at least a little cautious about texting or talking at the table. Yet some folks are just so self-absorbed, all the polite signs and dagger-throwing stares in the world won't penetrate the...
DON'T Double Talk There are a lot of you Bluetooth-strapped narcissists out there who think you're so amazingly efficient that you can carry on two conversations at once: one with someone face-to-face, and another with the person on the other end of your nerd dongle. No one can ever tell whom...
DO Keep it to Yourself It must be the tight quarters that lead some cell phone users to confuse elevators with confessional booths. How else can you explain one's willingness to disclose personal and explicit details to a box crammed full of perfect strangers? You know who you are. You step in...
DON'T Include Us in Your Conversation Exhibitionism in its worst form (Ashton Kutcher's Twitter life aside) is when you answer your cell phone in our presence and, as if that wasn't rude enough, proceed to try and loop us into your convo as if we're just dying to be included. You do this by...
DO Watch Where You're Going In many states, it's illegal to text and drive. Yet it's perfectly lawful for you to SMS and e-mail while haphazardly walking into people, obstacles, and even traffic. It's all fun and games until someone falls down a manhole. (We call it instant karma.) But the...
DON'T Put Us on Speaker Short of shooting someone in the kneecaps, there's no quicker way to piss them off than to answer their call on speaker. What's going on? Did you want to impress us with the fact that you've got another person in the room? Congrats, you're important! Or are you going to...
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