The cell phone has been draining the world's sperm supply for more than 35 years already. And yet, as ubiquitous as mobiles are today, so too are the dolts who still haven't grasped how to use one responsibly. For anyone who's ever gabbed at dinner, texted on the toilet, ruined a movie, or...
DON'T Chat on the Job Something troubling is happening to customer service in America. And, no, it's not that it's been deported to Mumbai. It's that on-the-clock cell phone use by service employees somehow come to be viewed as acceptable. Hey, guy in the red shirt: We're not sure which aisle...
DON'T Ruin the Movie In addition to the power of oats, the Quakers believe in every human being's having an "inner light." (Hey, just like E.T.!) Unfortunately, increasingly bigger and brighter cell phone screens have strung us all with rather powerful outer lights, as well. And while you may be...
DO Censor Your Handset Some cell phone owners either completely missed the invention of the vibrating alert, or they want to unsubtly inform everyone around them of how incredibly busy they are. Which one are you? Not only does your phone ring every time a call comes in, but it sings for every...
DON'T Put Us on Speaker Short of shooting someone in the kneecaps, there's no quicker way to piss them off than to answer their call on speaker. What's going on? Did you want to impress us with the fact that you've got another person in the room? Congrats, you're important! Or are you going to...
DO Watch Where You're Going In many states, it's illegal to text and drive. Yet it's perfectly lawful for you to SMS and e-mail while haphazardly walking into people, obstacles, and even traffic. It's all fun and games until someone falls down a manhole. (We call it instant karma.) But the...
DON'T Include Us in Your Conversation Exhibitionism in its worst form (Ashton Kutcher's Twitter life aside) is when you answer your cell phone in our presence and, as if that wasn't rude enough, proceed to try and loop us into your convo as if we're just dying to be included. You do this by...
DO Keep it to Yourself It must be the tight quarters that lead some cell phone users to confuse elevators with confessional booths. How else can you explain one's willingness to disclose personal and explicit details to a box crammed full of perfect strangers? You know who you are. You step in...
DON'T Double Talk There are a lot of you Bluetooth-strapped narcissists out there who think you're so amazingly efficient that you can carry on two conversations at once: one with someone face-to-face, and another with the person on the other end of your nerd dongle. No one can ever tell whom...
DO Excuse Yourself From Dinner With so many sharp knives in such close proximity, we'd have thought you'd be at least a little cautious about texting or talking at the table. Yet some folks are just so self-absorbed, all the polite signs and dagger-throwing stares in the world won't penetrate the...
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