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Blagojevich Quotes Become 'Bleeping' Golden Ringtones, %&*$ Yeah!

Rod Blagojevich is a national treasure. The former Illinois governor has amazed us with his headline grabbing corruptibility and shameless ploys for attention. But while we can kiss his priceless appearances on reality TV shows goodbye and as there will be no Tweeting from the courtroom, at least we can still revel in some of his more "colorful" golden quotes. The folks at the State Journal-Regist...

Whoopi Goldberg 'Murders' Her iPhone 4, Reveals Her Insane Entitlement

Whoopi Goldberg, we've lost faith in you. After defending Mel Gibson's racist tirades this week, she finally went too far with her reaction to iPhone 4's reception problems. (If you're interested, Jezebel compiled a disturbing list of things that Whoopi's tried to justify, including Michael Vick's predilection for dog-fighting and people who think the Moon landing was faked.) But the comedy empre...

Cavs Owner Dan Gilbert Rages at LeBron James in Comic Sans

Let's say you've been betrayed. Someone you've dedicated the last several years of your life to just up and walks away from you. And worse still, makes sure to create a self-serving, over-dramatic spectacle as he does so. When you decide it's time to vent your frustrations, and address not only the person who stabbed you in the back but the people who were collateral damage in breakup, what font ...

With Prince Wrong and Kenny G Right, Only Six Signs of the Apocalypse Remain

We never thought we'd say it, but Kenny G is right, dammit. Of course, when being right requires nothing more than saying, "The Internet isn't dead," it's only worth so much. In a recent interview with the Associated Press, the smooth-jazz sax operator took his defiant stand in response to Prince's recent proclamation of the Web's demise. (And we thought Bono had the market cornered in pretending...

James Patterson Becomes First Author to Sell 1 Million E-Books

James Patterson doesn't exactly write what you'd call "high literature." His thriller novels, often about a psychologist named Alex Cross, are basic bestseller tripe in the vein of Dan Brown. Patterson is far more prolific than most of his contemporaries, though, having penned 65 novels in his 33-year career. That body of work has put him in a position to be one of the foremost forces behind the e...

4Chan's Justin Bieber Crusade Fails to Send Teen Idol to North Korea

The Internet delinquents at 4Chan never rest. Just a couple of days after the troublemakers used a flaw in the YouTube commenting system to launch a decidedly juvenile Web-offensive against Justin Bieber, the message board's campaign to send the tween star to North Korea has come to an (un)successful end. A poll at Faxo was asking fans to vote on where Bieber should stop on the next leg of his...

LeBron James Causes Frenzy With Late Entrance to Twitter

Finally, the world's biggest sports superstar has joined the Twitterverse. NBA star LeBron James announced his social networking presence with a simple greeting that read, "Hello World, the Real King James is in the Building 'Finally'." As Geekosystem reports, the verified Twitter account dubbed KingJames emerged Tuesday. Before James even sent one tweet, he had 86,000 followers. Now, he's eclips...

Prince Says Internet Is 'Completely Over,' We Head Over to the Unemployment Line

As much as we love the Internet, we've always known that at some point, the world would move on to bigger and better things, leaving the entire Switched staff huddled around a garbage can fire and talking to rats. But it looks like the digital death knell has rung far earlier than we ever expected, as no less an authority than almighty Prince, himself, has formally announced the demise of the Web....

Lady Gaga Trounces Obama With 10 Million Facebook Fans

Can Lady Gaga be stopped? Self-marketing genius, living performance piece, fortuitous flavor of the month or some combination of the three, the Lady's rise to fame seems uninhibited by even bad press and a mediocre music video. You could argue that the world has reached its Lady Gaga tipping point, but the numbers would refute you. As we reported back in April, Gaga made YouTube history by pullin...

Jason Bateman Apologizes for Being a Jerk, We Decide If He's Guilty or Not

On iPhone 4 drop day, half of the free world was waiting for their 'magical' device from Apple. Some, it appears, waited longer than others, and 'Arrested Development' star Jason Bateman reportedly cut in line (or was ushered through it, depending on the report). Fanboys cried foul, and Bateman has acknowledged the wrongdoing and asked for forgiveness. A few days ago, the actor blamed the incide...

'Celeb Spotter' App Is a Great Way to Get Yourself Slapped With a Restraining Order

Here's something that's guaranteed to spawn a few lawsuits: OK Magazine's Celeb Spotter iPhone app. That's right. The Mark David Chapmans of the world now have a new, high-tech way to make famous people call the police. As The Next Web's Martin Bryant reports, the British gossip mag's app uses the iPhone's location-based technology to provide users with a list of known celebrity hangouts, allow...

NFL Star Stacy Andrews Snags iPhone 4 for $2K From Line Camper

Most Apple fanatics who waited in line overnight to get their hands on the iPhone 4 wouldn't part with their shiny new handsets easily. But Brittany Hightower of Little Rock, Arkansas simply couldn't say no to Stacy Andrews, an offensive guard for the Philadelphia Eagles. The NFL star stopped the Walmart shopper, who was on her way out the door with what had been the last iPhone in the store, and ...

Jason Bateman Cuts in Apple Store Line, Heats Up iPhone 4 Frustration

Apple's iPhone 4 launch has been beset by a growing line of failures, which has only been emphasized by the company's patronizing response to the "Antenna Attenuation" controversy. (Seriously, how many casual consumers know what "attenuation" means?) Following the company's pre-order collapse, iPhone-purchasing issues reached a release-day nadir with low inventories, unavailable gadgets, and int...

Power Outage Prompts Jimmy Kimmel to Record Show on His Macbook

Share The digital age has smashed the primacy of the all-powerful television camera. Why rely on major networks when we have Twitpics, cell phone cameras and live-streams to make our own broadcasts? It seems that even the networks have recognized that all their fancy machinery can still be bested by a camera on a laptop. When a power failure hit the 'Jimmy Kimmel Live' studio on Monday, the epon...

Researchers to Map Ozzy Osbourne's Genome, Find Out Why He's Alive

Great job, Science! Thanks for devoting your giant brains to something as important as Ozzy Osbourne's drug-strewn genetic makeup, and not worrying about those feeble "problems" like AIDS or the hellish oil hole that, goshdarnit, seems to resist the powers of partisan bellyaching. Admittedly, DNA lab Knome is a private enterprise that maps the human genome with the aid of "internationally recogniz...