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Parents Step Up Online Surveillance to Counteract Cyberbullying
Today's teenage bullies may conduct the majority of their schoolyard terrorism on Facebook, but parents are quickly catching on, and doing their best to mitigate cyberbullying. The New York Times Magazine recently investigated what some parents are doing to counteract online bullying, and, not surprisingly, found a pretty wide variety of approaches. Some run to the police, while others choose to engage directly with a bully's parents. Many, however, have adopted a more Orwellian approach to parenting, and have begun monitoring their teens' online behavior with renewed vigor.A program called MobileSpy, for example, gives parents complete access to every text their teen sends, and uses GPS technology to track his or her whereabouts. Parents can also use keystroke loggers to keep an eye on anything their child sends or posts online. A recent study from the Pew Research Center Internet and American Life Project found that roughly two-thirds of all parents admit to regularly monitoring their teenagers' cell phones. Half of them say they use phones to verify their children's whereabouts.
Others, meanwhile, use monitoring software only to scare their kids into rational online behavior. NetFamilyNews editor Anne Collier, for example, says she installed keystroke logger software on her home computers, but adds that she hardly ever uses it to monitor her kids. Instead, she stuck a Post-it note on her kids' computers, which reads: 'Don't Forget That Mom Sees Everything You Do Online.' The threat of surveillance, she believes, can do more to deter reckless online behavior than actual surveillance ever could.
The risk, of course, is that overbearing parenting could engender even more animosity from teenagers. "If you're monitoring your child secretly," Collier said, "what do you say to the kid when you find something untoward? Then the conversation turns into 'you invaded my privacy,' which is not what you intended to talk about." An April report from Harvard's Berkman Center for Internet and Society found that parents who engage in online monitoring are often viewed by their kids as "controlling, invasive and 'clueless.'" Researchers also found that many teens still conceive of the Internet as a space "that excludes the family."
Clearly, though, that's not the case. Many school and law enforcement officials say it's nearly impossible for them to fully monitor online regulations placed on teens -- meaning, of course, that parents must step up to fill in the regulatory void. The psychological damage wreaked by cyberbullies is well documented. The question remains, however, whether or not well-intentioned parents may be doing just as much harm in their attempts to protect their kin.
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Comments
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Subscribe to commentsPamelaDec 6th 2010 8:55PM
I am very concerned about Bullying. It goes on after school hours and intrudes into personal lives and home, often affecting many family members and friends of the "target." My youngest daughter was the target of Bullying while in Junior High and it happened twice. I intervened and stay involved until the issue was settled and it ended. It was a hugh mess and a battle I would not give up until we (she) received justice and we took back control. I will never forget it.
There are some things I would like to see happen to combat this issue. One would be to have the students receive extra credits for attending anti-Bullying classes. If their parents attend, extra credit such as a day off from school, or other things like that, could be given for parents participating with their kids. Classes should include actual Bullying examples and signs to look for. There are so many things we could do, should do, but it must involve the parents, students and teachers. You need to attact this problem from all sides and make it so that it is popular to be "against" Bullying. Perhaps a letter on your shirt or sweater letting others know that you are an active participant in anti-bullying classes and activities. Parents need to know that they set an example aslo and what they do and say at home could be perceived as Bullying without even being aware of it.
CrazieGurlDec 7th 2010 1:29AM
think the biggest problem with children who participate in anti-bullying campaigns are more than likely to be the kids being targeted. I was an avid member of student council, groups against bullying, and extracurricular activities to escape some of my peers - - and when I was in school, I was constantly targeted. My sister was targeted also, no matter how involved she was.
The biggest thing parents can do to not raise bullies is to not be bullies themselves. I'm surprised to see older women in graduate school programs acting the same way those 8th graders did when I was growing up. Talking about and bullying others is the quickest way to get bullied and talked about yourself - if you do it, your children will learn that you do it, and will repeat that action. Parents need to grow up and learn not to bully before they expect their kids to do the right thing.
gauthi8Dec 7th 2010 5:48AM
@Pamela
I do understand your point. However parents need to be proactive. These days children think they are entitled to trust without ever earning it. People , but especially children need to be held accountable. The days when a handshake meant something. Your word told people of your character. Those days are long gone. Unfortunately these days we need to take stronger percautions...
DebiDec 6th 2010 10:29PM
I'm glad to see parents being proactive about bullying. Unfortunately, the ones that end up being the biggest bullies aren't doing this because they don't think their darling is doing anything wrong. What would be a great idea is for parents to be able to get the IP address of anyone their kid talks to or site their kid goes to - true IP address not the phony one that people can use to cover their steps on the internet. When they no longer can be anonymous is when they will cut down on the bullying because right now, they think no one knows who they are. Perhaps there could be a service that a parent can sign up for that will monitor all traffic, and identify where and who it is. Then if there's a problem - bullying or a kid going missing, they will have all the evidence they need.
research400Dec 6th 2010 10:57PM
I think it's a great step. But kids need to understand more about relationships in general, and what it means when someone bullies someone else, how to recognize these things as pathological. Not everyone outgrows it. Workshops are a good start (see www.relationship-wise.com for links).
LixxyDec 6th 2010 11:40PM
Teens need to get smarter and learn how to delete stuff like this off the computer. ;)
Seriously now, I do think that this *is* borderline Orwellian, if not totally 1984. I understand that parents have their child's best interests at heart, but at what point does it interfere with parent-child relationships? Whatever happened to trust?
Personally, if anyone (parents included) installed software like this onto a computer I use without telling me, I'd be really pissed. If I found out that my parents were tracking me via GPS device, I'd, again, be really pissed and would most likely stop trusting them. I'm all for a decrease in cyberbullying, don't get me wrong, I just believe that there are other ways to go about it than spying on your children.
chanceDec 7th 2010 12:43AM
@Lixxy
I'm 16, and I completely agree with you.
gauthi8Dec 7th 2010 5:04AM
@CrazieGurl
Thank you . You think commen sense would take presidence. You said it perfectly. Have you ever noticed-- You get the most noise from the emptiest barrels? This is pertaining to the bullies of course.
gauthi8Dec 7th 2010 5:00AM
I think it is a sighn from above. I am not sure where to start or what to do. My son is 14yrs. old and he was born with a short pallet. This causes him to have a strong nasel speech. At times it can be hard to understand what he has to say. However he has come from not being able to speak at all (age 3) to only being limited to a couple of sounds. After years of speech therapy and Surgery that had only been done ONLY one other time, Jake has made remarkable strides. We always talk about what to do, how to treat people and the importance of self confidence. I am very involved with the teachers and I do make sure I am intouch with any changes my son may be experiencing or so I thought.
Today my son tells me that he gets teased everyday. It does not stop. Most of the time he will ignore them and they stop for awhile. Today was the first day that a boy put his hands on my son. (of course this boy needs an audience, with his friends standing right next to him and egging them on.) As Jake is telling me he is getting very angry and a little emotional. He wants to defend himself ,but he does not want to get into trouble and get suspended from school. I asked him how he wants to handle it, but it must be handled before it esculates. Most of the time the schools have been helpful. Now that Jake is in the 8th. grade it just is not as easy as it use to be. I have gone to the Dean on more than one occasion and they always promise that these bullies will not be told who sold them out. (In fear of retaliation.) However, it never fails they always do. Then it becomes a trust issue.
I do not understand why we do not have a manditory class for these students. Often times , even if just one well- liked , popular and a sincer student would stand up for the little guy. It would make all the difference. I have seen this first hand. I know there is only so much we can do as a community. Please parents, teachers and even all of you passer buys. Please! Please! Educate, talk with your kids. Tell them what an important and positive example they can make in a persons life. I can not imagine wakeing up every morning and dreading going to school. If you are one of the people that think it is not my problem, I do not tease anyone--I just walk buy and pretened not to see or hear someone elses torrment. Well my friend, I am sorry to say --YOU are saying more, by not saying anything at all, YOU may as well be the one throwing the stones....
Sorry for the rant. I am just a very concerned, sad and protective mother tonight. My son has not been able to sleep, he seems very sad these days and the thought of him being hurt is almost unbarriable. To all of the good parents out there who think that thier child would never do this. Take a minuet . Right Now ! With your son or daughter and talk with them about how very, very important this is. Make sure they are aware of what is going on with thier friends and neighbors. Stand up and show that you are part of the solution not part of the problem.. We need all the help we can get.
If anyone has any advice for me or for my beautiful son. Please feel free to e-mail ... Thank so much and I hope you all have a blessed day..... Kim
BERNICEDec 7th 2010 6:31AM
ANY KID THAT BULLIES, WHETHER IT BE IN SCHOOL OR ON THE INTERNET, ARE JUST NO DAMM GOOD. THEY ARE NOTHING BUT LOSERS, IF YOU HAVE TO PICK ON SOMEONE FOR ANY REASON, THERES SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. AND WHERE THE HECK ARE THESE DAMM PARENTS, THERE NOT PARENTS, THEY ARE WORSE THAN ANIMALS. COME ON MOTHERS, LETS CALL THEM WHAT THEY REALLY ARE, WE ARE TO SWEET AND LET THESE ANIMALS GET AWAY WITH IT BY BEING NICE, NICE, WELL THEY DONT KNOW FROM NICE, NICE, AND TO SEE YOUR KID SUFFERING BECAUSE OF IT. BOY, THEY ARE SO LUCKY ITS NOT MY KID. TO PUT UP WITH THIS CRAP FROM THESE LOSERS. SOMEONE SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS. JAIL TIME. THATS FOR SURE.
kristinrichannDec 7th 2010 6:33AM
No one ever said that parrenting is easy, and as a parrent we need to be parrents first, and yes in this prosess there will be hurt fealings.
I am not making excuses for the parrents but children will never fully understand all the aspects of the decisions that we have to make to protect them. at least not untill they become parrents and fully relise the dangers in the world today.
They may think that they fully know but in all reality do they realy. How many children realy pay full atention to the world news, as concerned parrents do.
a childs ability to use full brain function does not come about untill their young adult life.
A lot of times they may think they are ready for the world when in all reality they usaly are not truly ready.
A lot of times they see the world as what they want to see. But in all reality the world and what goes on in it is not just black and white. there are things that they precieve should work one way with their logic, but they dont realy see the full picture,
No one ever made a book that truly says how parrents should properly raise their children. Every child is different, and some times as parrents we need to turn to each other for the information to help us, or just fly by the seat of our britches. and yes we will make mistakes no one is ever perfect
children need to understand that it is our responsibility untill they become adults to help guide them and yes even make decisions for them and yes even with some even when they are young adults.
and if that means what they think is spying by all means defently.
I t's a sad world that we live in today and we need to do every thing that we can do to protect our children.
No parrent should ever burry their child because something wasnt done to protect them to the best of our ability
These children need to understand what a parrent feels when something like this happens and the self blame that comes with it.
no one should ever live with that.
with my child we have talks about things and he is seven, I try to a degree to help him understand that because of the rules I set down that I am not doing it to be mean or a ditcator and when it comes time I will let him make desision with my guidance.
He lives with the rule of what the Lord gives the Lord can take away. You need to earn your way in this life.
Think were our Children would be if we didnt care or let them have their full way and do what ever because they say they are ready
just my two cents.
My child will be monitored counseled and what ever I need to do untill he is a adult and Has finished school has his own job, and is doing the best he can to be a productive (positive) part of society
BERNICEDec 7th 2010 6:40AM
TO THE POOR KIDS THAT ARE BEING BULLIED. DONT GO TO SCHOOL. STOP. TELL YOUR PARENTS YOU WILL NOT GO TO SCHOOL, THEN GO TO COURT AND SUE THE SCHOOL FOR BEING BULLIED. YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO SUFFER BECAUSE OF SOME PEOPLE BOTHERING YOU. ITS PAINFUL I KNOW. SO DONT PUT YOURSELF IN THIS SITUATION ANY LONGER, WHERE YOU HAVE TO SUFFER. AND TO THE PARENTS. TAKE THE SCHOOL AND THE BULLY TO COURT. PRESS CHARGES AND SUE, SUE, SUE. THATS THE ONLY WAY THESE ANIMALS (PARENTS OF THESE BULLIES, AND THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE) WILL UNDERSTAND THAT WE WILL NOT TOLERATE IT ANY LONGER. AND DONT LET YOUR KIDS SUFFER ANY LONGER.
BERNICEDec 7th 2010 6:56AM
TO LIXXY, YOUR LIVING IN A DREAM WORLD, TRUST, ARE YOU KIDDING, ARE YOU ONE OF THE BULLIES THAT WE TALK ABOUT. GIVE ME A BREAK, THE DAY PARENTS START ACTING LIKE PARENTS, BULLYING WILL NOT BE A ISSUE. ITS THE PARENTS FAULT. THEY DONT BOTHER TO SEE WHAT THEIR KIDS ARE DOING. THEN WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS, THEY SAY. OH, NOT MY KID. GIVE ME A BREAK.