We knew that Facebook has
torn apart many a marriage across the pond. But according to a recent survey, it's become just as problematic for couples here in the US, too.
A survey of high-profile divorce lawyers throughout the country reveals that increasing numbers of quarrelsome couples are now using Facebook data as evidence of marital infidelity. As attorney
Mary Cay Trace told MyFoxPhilly, "More and more I have clients coming in and I say, 'Why are you here today?' And they say, 'Facebook.'" Trace went on to point out that the social network now allows frustrated spouses to more easily "find somebody to replace what you think is missing in your marriage." By the same token, it's also a lot easier for lovers to find incriminating proof of their significant others' unfaithfulness. One woman, for example, recently discovered a trail of lovey dovey Facebook messages that her husband sent to his old high school sweetheart. Upon busting them, she abruptly ended their 13-year marriage, and the aforementioned sweetheart soon followed suit.
We've all known for a while now that spouses are using social networking transcripts as justification for ending marriages --
even in the courtroom. And, as we've said before, that doesn't come as a huge surprise. Virtually everything we do today leaves some sort of trail behind us, whether it's in the form of cell phone bills, e-mail exchanges, or Wall posts. Facebook just happens to be the most convenient means by which we can find lost loves, former flames, or, as the case may be, quasi-anonymous acquaintances.
You'd think, though, that at some point, the trend would begin to reverse, as more people become more aware of the indelibility of their actions. Instead of seeing social networking as an opportunity to check out other men or women, perhaps people will begin to see the ubiquitous phenomenon as a good reason
not to cheat, in the same way that surveillance cameras at ATMs often discourage criminals from theft. A lot of people, of course, will always cave to carnal temptation, and may very well use social networking to satisfy that craving. But that doesn't necessarily negate the potential for Facebook and its brethren to strengthen as many marriages as it purportedly destroys. [From:
MyFoxPhilly; via:
FOXNews]
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Facebook's Most Annoying Things
Most Annoying Things About Facebook
Sure, Facebook can be a lot of fun. It's a great way to reconnect with lost friends and to keep up with people on the fringes of your social circle. And as far as workday distractions go, there's nothing better.
It's hardly a perfect service, though. Minor aggravations add up fast and can drive you nuts. We've combed through the annoyances to find the ten annoyances that bug people the most.
Most Annoying Things About Facebook
Problem: Constant interface changes
Why it's annoying: Granted, innovation is necessary to avoid becoming stale, but sometimes you're better off leaving well enough alone. Facebook has radically overhauled its front page so many times that it's hard to keep count. Just as the anger dies down over one design, the site changes things again -- and confusion sets in. What's the difference between "News feed" and "Live feed"? And why can't Facebook remember which I prefer?
Possible solution: Sadly, there's not much you can do about this -- except wait for the next face-lift.
Most Annoying Things About Facebook
Problem: Inappropriate automated friend suggestions
Why it's annoying: Friend suggestions can be handy, but when Facebook tries to push an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend on you, it's kind of awkward. Similarly, if you've had a major falling-out with someone who has mutual friends, you're bound to see their face pop up in the 'suggestion' field at some point. It makes a clean break that much harder to get.
Possible solution: The little "x" to the right will make the suggestion go away forever. To prevent further frustration, you might want to also click "see all" and weed out any other offending names.
Most Annoying Things About Facebook
Problem: Never-ending game invitations
Why it's annoying: 'Farmville' and 'Mafia Wars' might be fun, but if you don't want to play them, the constant invites are infuriating. Many Facebook games are like Ponzi schemes; the way to succeed is to get more people playing. And once you've managed to filter out one game, another pops up.
Possible solution: It's not too hard to hide the requests and invitations for these games. Just click "Block this application" when you get the first invite. Then, hover over the updates that are clogging your news feed, and click "Hide" when the word appears.
Most Annoying Things About Facebook
Problem: Political fights
Why it's annoying: Between cable news and talk radio, it's hard enough to hide the squabbling between the left and the right. So when political debates fire up on Facebook, it's particularly annoying. All you want to do is see friends' pictures and learn what they're up to -- not eavesdrop on a debate over healthcare reform.
Possible solution: If you've got a friend who picks such fights in their status updates, you might be best off hiding them. You can still check in on them whenever you'd like, but you won't have opinions shoved down your throat.
Most Annoying Things About Facebook
Problem: Imported updates from Twitter
Why it's annoying: Tweets have their own language and shorthand, and if you're not familiar with the 140-character-or-less updates, it might look like someone had a hand spasm while typing. Facebook and Twitter are two entirely different services -- and forcing the two together feels like a poorly arranged marriage.
Possible solution: Once again, you're kind of stuck. Your best bet is to either embrace the language of the tweet -- or learn to selectively ignore posts.
Most Annoying Things About Facebook
Problem: No 'Dislike' button
Why it's annoying: A friend proudly mentions in a status update that she got a promotion. That's an easy thing to like. But what about when they announce they've been laid off? In its relentless drive to be cheery, Facebook hasn't given us the choice to quickly commiserate or disagree with someone.
Possible solution: There's an active lobbying effort to get Facebook to add a 'Dislike' button, with over 553,000 people members of a group specifically asking for one. Hopefully, the powers that be will listen to the protests.
Most Annoying Things About Facebook
Problem: People who 'friend' you too fast
Why it's annoying: Sometimes it's a person you've gone out with one time. Sometimes it's a coworker you only speak with occasionally. But odds are you've been 'friended' by someone you'd rather not have on your list. Technically, ignoring the request is an option, but that can create some real world tensions.
Possible solution: Your privacy settings can make this problem an easy one to conquer. You can block specific people from seeing status updates, photos and more by choosing 'custom' and black-listing them. Then, hide their updates from your news feed.
Most Annoying Things About Facebook
Problem: Stealth tagging
Why it's annoying: We all have horrifying childhood pictures or shots we wouldn't want to share with the world. Invariably, though, friends will post them as a joke of sorts and tag you. All of a sudden, that prom picture of you with acne, coke-bottle glasses, and a really bad perm is out there for everyone to see.
Possible solution: You can untag yourself, which prevents others from putting your name to the picture -- but in some cases, that's closing the barn door after the horse has run away.
Most Annoying Things About Facebook
Problem: Obvious celebrity marketing ploys
Why it's annoying: Celebrities love Facebook -- or so it would seem. But all too often, it's someone writing on their behalf (and often poorly). That doesn't stop avid fans from falling over themselves to 'like' every comment and chime in as part of the 'amen' chorus.
Possible solution: Unless you're sure it's actually the celebrity doing the updates, you'd often do better to just avoid the pages. After all, is it really that critical that you declare yourself as a fan?
Most Annoying Things About Facebook
Tags: cheating, court, divorce, DivorceCourt, evidence, facebook, infidelity, lawyer, lawyers, marriage, relationships, social networking, SocialNetworking, top, web
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Comments
100
Subscribe to commentsChrystal H.Jun 3rd 2010 2:15PM
My ex husband reconnected with an old girlfriend from 11 years ago. They are now living together.
CraigJun 3rd 2010 4:21PM
so what you're saying is fb ruined your marriage?
Did it ever cross your mind that he could have done the same thing on AOL,
or that he got tired of your constant crying
WomexJun 8th 2010 5:39PM
Chrystal H. never said that the girlfriend her ex husband is living with broke up their marriage. She is just making a statement. Maybe she is still in touch with her ex due to sharing custody of their common children or for other reasons. Perhaps he just found an old girlfriend and for all we know they could all pal around together. (So easy on her..you are making accusations)
As for the other statements, yes-you can't blame technology for causing infidelity or a relationship to break up. A web site called Adult Friend Finder has been around well over a decade, and people have been hooking up with the aid of that site and Craigs List a lot longer than Facebook. These people who go to a lawyer and say "Facebook" just caught their SO. I'm sure they've been messing around for a long time without being caught using other technologies. Heck, ever call one of those 800#'s 20 years ago? There were married men on them looking to score with anything female that picked up the phone.
Just my 2 cents.
clemoncJun 8th 2010 7:25PM
Girl I feel your pain. Keep your head up and push on.
TreJun 8th 2010 8:14PM
Wow, Chrystal, that is so incredibly difficult, I can not even imagine. I actually turned my husbands proposal down a few times because I was worried that he still had feelings for his last long term g/f but I guess third time was the charm, I figured if he was going to stick it out through me rejecting him and keep coming back, then he really wanted to be with me. I guess I am lucky, in that he abhors social networking sites and actually uses mine only to beat his cousins, siblings and our mutual friends with the game scores... I actually posted a disclaimer explaining that all games, challenges or even farmville were none of my doing and if issue was to be had they could take it up with him...lol
Anyhow, I am friends with quite a few of my exes and a habitual flirt, luckily my husband isn't the jealous type and enjoys noting that I am his, even when others may desire me... For us it works, but I am not so sure how I would feel if he were the one to be chatting it up with his ex (she is very deceptive, when we original started dating and she found out she had a sudden interest in spending time with my then BF when she had been the one to cheat on him and had not spoken to him for a year. Then proceeded to talk trash about me -we never met- to anyone who would listen) that sounds a lot like a double standard, well it is, I guess, but it's one he has no qualms about.
I do however believe that facebook has provided a useful way for long lost loves to reconnect and friends and family as well. And that tool (like any other) can be misused, but it is the wielder of the tool that decides it's ultimate outcome, so yes, facebook can not be blamed. Poor morals, no ability to restrain themselves, ability to rationalize even the most foul choices, sure, they could be a potion of the culprit, but they belong wholly to the bearer and regardless of tools, if the opportunity presented itself in any other manner, they would have acted equally as disdainfully.
DebJun 9th 2010 12:09AM
Craig: Your reply to Chrystal seems to be the mentality of a 14 year old boy. She never even mentions Facebook in her statement.
Maybe, just maybe, when you grow up and fall in love, you will understand the complexities of a relationship (as in 2 people in love) and understand how external factors can play a role in that relationship.
Sorry to hear about your story, Chrystal. You were brave to put it out there for us to learn about, sorry about the weasels who sometimes answer just to say something - - the people in his life have stopped listening to him because he prefers to take the negative side. His remarks did not add anything to this discussion.
tuchux_wenchJun 9th 2010 3:49AM
not to be cold -and this goes for women and men both- but once a cheater always a cheater. Chances are high than in most (not all) cases of infidelity, there is a deeper underlying issue than the computer.
OpihiJun 9th 2010 4:43AM
I hate Facebook .... it could be such a nice way to connect and exchange news with friends, but it's become increasingly invasive. And I'm furious that every site now has a stupid pop-up inviting you to link to Facebook. I've had quite enough encroachments on my privacy.
Starting with AOL and message boards like this one. Do you know there's a hyperlink under your name right here .... and that it contains your "profile" which was set up when your email was requested for "confirmation". For some reason AOL and all the Media Glow affiliates think that "confirmation:" means "set up an unauthorized profile" With ALL your comments to ANY AOL message board all listed under the name you first signed up with.
Pretty sneaky. I'd say. No mention of a "profile" anywhere. And who wants a list of all their comments readily accessible with a single click?
If you have to set up those stupid profiles, at least give us the courtesy of NOT providing a hyperlink under our names and making PRIVACY the default setting.
And it would be a good idea to opt out of the Google Search engines too for those sneaky profiles.
This is disgusting and devious. Shame on you. You are deviously invading our privacy by not admitting to those "profiles" openly and honestly.
GMJun 3rd 2010 2:49PM
The conclusions drawn are not supported by the data. If Facebook is used more often as evidence of infidelity that just means it is a tool to catch a cheating spouse, not that it leads to more cheating or that it causes more divorces. Cheating spouses almost always get caught (because the almost always want to be caught) and if it isn't Facebook it is cell phone bills or emails or Hideaway Motel matches left in a pocket.
The internet has provided people a new way to achieve old goals--both legit and illegit. It isn't the cause of illicit behavior any more than guns cause crime.
bkwormsjvJun 3rd 2010 3:20PM
Bingo! People commit actions, and they just use what tools are available. The writer of this article took a very misleading approach to the information out there. Probably wanted to sensationalize the topic and get more readers...
pJun 3rd 2010 4:31PM
Wanting to get caught. Didn't Jesse James just admit to that in an interview?
MTMJun 3rd 2010 8:33PM
Wrong GM. If it's used to catch, that then proves it's used to socialize with someone other than the spouse.
David S.Jun 3rd 2010 3:01PM
If a social networking site truly tears apart your marriage, it wasn't very strong to begin with.
VJSMITHSCOUGALLJun 3rd 2010 5:03PM
BINGO!
Bella TJun 8th 2010 3:14PM
My thoughts exactly. Facebook isn't the problem. You don't need that to hunt down a former lover - although it does make it easier, it's not the only way if that is truly what someone wants to do with their spare time.
suitman36Jun 8th 2010 4:29PM
exactly. if there were no problems in the marriage to begin with, why would a spouse be looking for someone else?
happygoluckyJun 8th 2010 5:47PM
Not if someone is always looking. Many men and women thinks that the grass is always greener with someone else. They will always be looking for a better deal. Hey... upgrade. LOL
kmvproductionsJun 9th 2010 2:04AM
Whether a marriage is strong or not should not preside over the
fact that regardless there is a marriage, vows and possibly children.
If you are adult enough to take someone in marriage, then you should
take responsibility for your wrong-doings with your part of the
broken connection with your spouse. Facebook, marriage strength or
other factors should never become an excuse for your own fallacies.
If your marriage isn't strong talk it out, otherwise be a damn adult
and file for divorce before doing something so insanely wrong. THAT
is the ADULT thing to do! Any other method is completely cowardly by
any sex for that matter!
JessHencheyJun 3rd 2010 3:41PM
I hate how my husband (and his friends) get(s) "Friend Requests" from women with provocative profile pictures who are obviously trying to solicit sex on Facebook (I guess Craigs List is not enough for these ladies). These are complete strangers....not women from his past. He just clicks "Ignore" when he gets these requests and even though I trust him wholeheartedly, I still find it annoying. They diminish all the great things about this site. It's nice to reconnect with old classmates, coworkers and friends. If you're marriage is a strong, fullfilling and happy one then neither husband nor wife would look elsewhere for affection/attention.
rolidenJun 8th 2010 4:17PM
If you have a great marriage then why is there a need to reconnect with old classmates and old friends, why stay in the past???? The Marriage is great then live in the present and move forward to the future.