Switched has a new home! Huffpost Tech.

Click here to visit the new home of Switched!

Hot on HuffPost Tech:

See More Stories
AOL Tech

Video Game Movies Don't Work

by Leila Brillson on May 26, 2010 at 02:00 PM

I. 1993: The Start of the End, or the Kitsch That No One Really Liked, or Saw

As a small girl, I took my father to see 'The Super Mario Bros.' movie. It had Bob Hoskins, who really just rehashed his 'Roger Rabbit' character. It had these two up-and-comers (who both, sadly, up and went), John Leguizamo and Samantha Mathis. It also had the King of Creeps, Dennis Hopper, as King Koopa. Lastly, it was a kids movie, so it couldn't get that bad.

However, I distinctly remember feeling horrible for taking my father to something that I could recognize, even at that tender age, as rubbish. Perhaps it was the dinosaurs-crossing-dimensions subplot that explained the existence of Koopa to non-video-game players like my dad. Perhaps it was because Princess Daisy hatched from an egg. Perhaps it was my first feeling of guilt.

The movie transcends bad and enters kitsch, with a dystopian, fungus-covered ('cuz the King is a mushroom) metropolis run by tiny-headed reptilians with strangely good fashion. But the strange sexual tension between Koopa and Daisy, the constant tool and plumbing jokes by Mario, and the totally strange dancing Goombas in the elevator scene don't make this a sweet, nostalgic romp. This is the first reason that video game movies so often fail; the joy, levity and "It's me! Mario!" playfulness of the original game is lost in this gritty, sci-fi flick.
Since the early '90s proved that platformer games were less than ripe for film adaptations, directors and scriptwriters must have had some horrible conference where the consensus was something like, "Gee. You know what would be great? Arcade-style fighting games. Because nothing says 'film' more than virtually plotless battles with catchphrases like, 'Finish him!'"

First in the trio (or, perhaps quartet, if you consider 'Annihilation'), was the so-bad-it's-good 'Street Fighter,' starring the inimitable Jean-Claude Van Damme as Guile, Raul Julia as an actually kind of scary M. Bison, and Kylie Minogue as a fairly adorable, true-to-game Cammy. But that's about it. The plot skews and repurposes characters, Ryu and Ken (arguably more popular characters than Guile) are twerps, Dhalsim doesn't float and there is no, um, Street Fighting. Of course, there is the totally forgettable 'Double Dragon' movie (yes, we went there), but we didn't see it, and we doubt you did, either.
Yet, Paul W. Anderson (of 'Resident Evil' fame) took a slightly better route with 'Mortal Kombat.' With its high cheese content, easily foreseeable tropes, and soundtrack -- oh, what a soundtrack -- the film succeeds by giving the audience what they want: to see their favorite MKers fight. Anderson was clever in casting completely B-list names (with the ultimate B-lister, the Highlander, himself), and making a ton of in-game references. The special effects, sets and dialogue are atrocious, but for Mortal Kombat fans, plenty of goodies are scattered about. For everyone else, just stick to 'Enter the Dragon' for the exact same movie.

Comments

1

HuffPost AOL Social News Most Popular