How Many Facebook Friends Do We Have, For Real?

But what of the younger generation? Those who are introduced to people and immediately hop on their smartphones, adding away as an initial sign of 'affection'? A welcoming into their lives? And then there are those of us who have reconnected with friends from grade school, high school, summer camp, college, acting camp, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, AA, etc. Almost in spite of ourselves, our numbers add up.
Though we write about it often, most of the Switched team isn't particularly active on Facebook. The only girl on board, Leila Brillson, though, has a fair following with over 500 friends, and counts herself as an extroverted, social girl. Furthermore, she protested that she is a rather picky friend-acceptor, and that her friend list is well curated.
The Test
Leila volunteered herself, and her life, for a small experiment, as we wondered if Dunbar's number would in fact hold true in a Facebook world, and what percentage of Leila's virtual friends were indeed her friends. She hypothesized Dunbar's number was way off, believing the majority of her Facebook connections to be true comrades.
The Rules
Editor-in-chief Thomas Houston devised a couple of rules. Facebook organizes your friends list alphabetically, so we assigned each of her 500 friends a number. We chose 50 numbers (using a random number generator), and then asked three questions about the friend to which each number corresponded.- What is this person's relation to you?
- When was the last time you spoke?
- Why are you friends?
- Involvement on a regular basis in said person's life
- Strong emotional connection
- Continual effort to stay in touch
A couple of things we must admit before we present the results. One, we're not social scientists, like Robin Dunbar. We don't have huge swaths of data, just one test subject, and we're only testing 10-percent of that subject's online friendship database. Also, while we have tried to standardize intangible factors (like whether or not someone is a friend), emotional variables are hard to assess. We ran into some tricky ground, as you'll see.
The Data

Some abnormalities: We encountered a lot of people on Leila's Facebook that she said she "should" be friends with, and most of them are in high school. Leila knew most of her real friends through 'other' means: either via a social circle, dating (someone dating a friend), or work. Also, anyone or anything of which she is a fan (e.g., a band or artist) is counted by Facebook as a friend, and, try as she might, Leila is certainly not friends with Nick Cave.

1. College Roommate
Leila insisted that she and her college roommate were indeed friends, even though they hadn't seen each other in about four years and hadn't even communicated online in a year and a half. When Leila pointed out that she maintained warm feelings for this person, Thomas mentioned that this was the allure of Facebook: Keeping tabs on people you have warm feelings towards, while not actually maintaining any sort of real-world friendship. Facebook is the space for all of those 'What If' people.
2. Work Colleague
When explaining about a former colleague, Leila mentioned that they ran into each other all the time, and speak every now and again. Thomas asked about personal attachment, and Leila said that while there weren't really any deep feelings, she did value this person's presence. Thomas decided this was not a friend, but rather a contact or acquaintance; maintaining such connections is another useful aspect of the site.
3. High School Bestie
Despite having grown apart from a good friend in high school, Leila declared they were still friends because of, well, history. Thomas denied this reason, because: a) if it wasn't for Facebook, Leila would have no idea where this person was; and b) social networking is a tangible way to keep track of your past. The door wasn't closed on that relationship (thanks to Facebook), but it wasn't fully open, either.
Conclusions:
As we mentioned earlier, our study relied on a small sample and unofficial data. Yet, several things became quite apparent in our experiment:- Dunbar suggests that there is no 'Facebook effect' -- that social circles do not really expand because of Facebook interaction. This may be the case with real-life relationships, but the test subject attested that she maintained a few relatively close friends via instant messaging, photo and Wall posts, and link sharing/e-mail. Relationships like these were almost as important as everyday face-to-face interactions. Perhaps what is different is that a younger individual like Leila has a different, and more flexible, definition of a friend than does Dunbar.
- However, our findings weren't too drastically different from Dunbar's number. In fact, it might be possible to assume that, due to Leila's social networking fluency, the only reason she could manage more than 150 was her dependence on online socializing.
- Lastly, analyzing Leila's Facebook connections revealed that the groups comprised of newer friends (e.g., college over high school, work over college) tended to have a higher rate of 'real friends.' This suggests that Leila was able to find more 'real friends' as she was increasingly able to pick and choose from a larger pool of associates. Yet, she was always hesitant to say someone 'wasn't a friend' -- especially when they once were. So, given the 'friend requirements,' Thomas had to make the call. Here is the allure of Facebook: it offers a world where relationships never cease, and the past can be visualized. Sure, old acquaintances may be gone, but now they won't be forgotten.







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Comments
53
Subscribe to commentsbryant44Feb 2nd 2010 11:53AM
Did you know that someone can use your name and pretend to be you by just knowing a few things about your personal life? They contact your friends and communicate back and forth sharing secrets that are not true, possibly damaging your reputation.To date, my daughter has over 500 friends on Facebook but she doesn't have Facebook, IM or her own email.
jstew70127Feb 2nd 2010 12:11PM
Whaaat???
madelynferFeb 2nd 2010 12:32PM
Facebook is not the right place to find friends. Well I'm talking about REAL friends because from my view I don't see there like a real friends. Friend is the person support you when you really need it, the person you can have a normal conversation. Sorry to tell you this but if the only time your firiends talk to you is in facebook I'll think twice before call them friends.
TraceyGPetersFeb 2nd 2010 12:33PM
My real reaction here is who cares. If you are so caught up in how many face book friends you have and not real friends then what is the point. Besides friendship, real friendship is about quality not quantity.
MIKE ZVIRBLISFeb 2nd 2010 1:15PM
REMEMBER THAT YUPPIES ARE NEVER FRIENDS. JUST BIRDS OF A FEATHER.....
faisal_gurmaniFeb 2nd 2010 1:34PM
FaceBook rocks. I have made connection to most and read profiles of many people i went to high school , college etc. Before i just use to wonder if they had an email account or so , to know their whereabouts. or what happened to the people i use to know once. So thats why facebook rocks.
GeeFeb 2nd 2010 1:44PM
I only add people I really know, I have 103 friends and they are all friends and family, I have never added someone I have never met.
christineFeb 2nd 2010 2:06PM
and that's how it should be. My ex gave up me and his kid because he thinks these people that he's never met before are real and is taking off to another state to be with her. She's helping him move. That's NOT normal!
pootFeb 2nd 2010 1:44PM
Although he makes quite a few very salient observations, some of his reasoning is quite a stretch, obviously designed as he goes along, to support his presuppositions... not the other way around. This whole style pretty much negates his entire uhhh.... "study."
Ms. MonicaFeb 2nd 2010 1:52PM
Even though it was one test subject, I get where they are going. If they tested my few 88 friends on facebook I am sure they would come to the same conclusion. It would be more like maybe 10 true friends rather than 88. Most of them are from high school. Some that we never were friends in high school. Some that I never talked to unless we were in class or forced to work together on an assignment. Some that I didn't like back then. And one that no one is able to figure out who he is but we have 20 of the same friends on our list (who is Daniel?) I have three or four family members. A co worker or so. A couple who are just there because I wanted farmville or cafe friends and I don't even know at all. And then the few 10 who I make sure I keep in contact with or when I am in my hometown I see and hang with. I think the questions are logical for most people on facebook. We just don't have as many friends as we think. We may know a lot of people but who doesn't? Doesn't make us all friends.
gr8bsnFeb 2nd 2010 2:10PM
Never have and never will add people from work...EVER!
JackFeb 2nd 2010 2:50PM
When I was a kid, one day visiting my grandmother I made a comment referring to "my friends." Grandma said, "Those aren't friends, those are acquaintences." I felt a little insulted. If those weren't my friends then I have any. Looking back, I can see what she meant. And it was an important lesson. Because most of the people we know are "acquaintences." When it comes down to it, most people have only a few close friends.
MikeFeb 2nd 2010 2:57PM
NOBODY has 150 friends. Nobody. I doubt anyone has even 20 TRUE friends, not just people they can name that they see around or wish they knew better. I'm from New York city, largest city in America and I have only about 30 on Facebook, I got along well with maybe 20 or more of them in school, now I'm pretty much lucky if I see or even talk to 5 of them. I know people on Facebook that add just about everyone that went to the same school as they did or people they just find attractive, but probably only 1 person for maybe every 80 "friends" of theirs even care enough about them to post something on their wall; They just added each other because they wanted to feel popular.
Crunch all the numbers you want, the heart of the truth is that people are fickle: "Out of site, out of mind." Long distance relationships don't have to fail anymore than love you have for a family member that lives far away has to die, but people let them though out of 3 reasons the way I see it:
1) To spare their own feelings so that they don't have to be wracked with grief about missing someone they've grown to love, and:
2) Because they're self-centered and once they found new people to love them the old ones simply don't matter anymore.
3) They never really cared about that "friend" to begin with, maybe just putting on a friendly facade (phoniness) was an easier way to get through the time they were obligated to be around each other and now they don't feel like or want to go back to pretending anymore.
Superficiality is also another thing, few people can be friends with someone just to be friends with them or because they think they're a nice person or fun to hang around with or overlook differences. Prejudice still exist to this day, and probably always will. People still look at this person and say "Hey I got myself a school friend, a black friend, a gay friend, a neighbor friend..." When you do this and focus on these surface details you can miss out on what really sets that person apart and that's the stuff that really makes you want to keep someone in your life, rather than just some replaceable stereotype figure. I had a "friend" who was like this, she deleted me and tried to come crawling back.
The old saying is true: "You can't go home again," once someone's moved on and their feelings have died, that's it, you can't rekindle a flame and expect it to be the same, better, or probably even as good, though some people get desperate to do that.
On a more positive note, though, it can still be good to keep relationships on Facebook: Maybe your old friends can give you advice, or a tip or kind words for a job interview...