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Personality Disorders We All Have Because of the Net

by Leila Brillson on July 2, 2009 at 06:45 AM

The Internet is a great source for communication and research... and it makes people act absolutely insane. Just think of the various stresses we receive from our daily encounters with cell phones and computers. Carpal tunnel? Cellbow? General malaise? But now, just to complete the list of ways tech is ruining our lives, Cracked has collected its list of 'Internet Personality Disorders.'

The list takes real-life disorders, like OCD and Low Frustration Tolerance, and applies them to virtual situations. The Internet Explosive Disorder, for instance, explains away the unseemly outbursts of forum lurkers who have a penchant for pernicious punctuation ('R U KIDDING ME!??!?!?!'). There's also the Münchausen by Internet sufferer: that's the guy who can't wait to rally sympathizers around his horrendous life by posting about the death of his father/cat/friend, the loss of his job/girlfriend/hair, or the injustice of Iran/Republicans/Democrats, eventually just leading the griper to become addicted to attention.

After being raised and nurtured by the Internet, we ourselves suffer from several of these disorders. But we've also known a couple afflictions that Cracked forgot to mention. Check them out after the jump. [From: Cracked]

1. Borderlining Ridiculous Personality Disorder, or BRPD -- In real life, Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD) consists of intensely contradictory or extreme moods, with sufferers veering from one severe emotion to the next. On the Net, it manifests itself most fiercely in comments sections, because usually the individuals who post are those with the most extreme opinions. That leaves comments sections full of remarks from two sets of people who feel completely opposite about the topic at hand.

2. Paranoid Personality Disorder, or PPD -- In real life, PPD is marked by an extreme sense of paranoia, or being watched and conspired against. On the Internet, it's characterized by, well, conspiracy theorists. Of which there are many -- constantly freaking out about the government, the media, and everything in between.

3. Dependent on Social Networking Personality Disorder, or DSNPD -- In real life, it's just Dependent Disorder, which is defined by a relinquishing of responsibility, a difficulty making decisions, and an exaggerated need for support and comfort from others. So where does DSNPD come in? One word: Twitter. Updates reading, "Chicken or turkey for lunch?! What to dooooo???" or "Omigosh, cant decide to wear dress or shoes. Vote now PLS!" are sure signs of social networking abuse, which, unfortunately, may lead to death.

Death of Print

    Elle Girl
    In April 2006, Elle Girl's print edition was closed down, but the Web site lives on at ellegirl.com.

    CosmoGirl
    Though it will be folded into Seventeen magazine, the teen version of Cosmopolitan will publish its last print issue in December 2008. It will live on at CosmoGirl.com.

    Christian Science Monitor
    Founded in 1908 by Mary Baker Eddy, this venerable paper will move all its daily content to the Web starting in 2009, though it will still publish a weekly print version.

    Radar Magazine
    Was it too snarky for its own good? We'll never know, but this modern-day successor to '80s-era Spy magazine shut down in October. AMI, owner of the National Enquirer, bought RadarOnline.com, however, which will focus on celebrity gossip a la TMZ.com.

    US News and World Report
    Once a serious competitor to Time and Newsweek, US News and World Report is now best known for its College guides, which it will continue to publish. The weekly newsmagazine, however, will be turned into a monthly, and all daily operations are moving to the Web at usnews.com.

Tags: funny, health, internet, personality disorder, PersonalityDisorder, satire, top

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