New Game Has One Strategy: Shoot People Directly in the Face
Do you enjoy first-person shooter games, but get annoyed by actually having to play the game, instead of effortlessly dealing out death and destruction? Then, read on, fellow animated death mongers. Parody news site The Onion has a new game to help satiate your thirst for simulated blood and brain matter.
Granted, 1PS (first person shooter) games, such as 'Call of Duty,' are awesome, but they're typically really, really hard. Even on the 'Easy' setting, it's incredibly difficult to run headlong into enemy forces, trying to vanquish and demoralize your opponents solely with point-blank head shots. Some of us lack the patience, or possibly the skill, to systematically snipe out opposing combatants, or to stealthily infiltrate areas behind enemy lines. But a groundbreaking new game, called 'Close Range,' changes that dynamic completely.
Gameplay involves only one button, the space bar, which you press to fire your weapon whenever a character's face appears directly in front of your gun. That's right; the game requires no aiming, or moving at all, for that matter. So, if you're too lazy to painstakingly defeat enemies through proper strategies, or you just enjoy exploding heads, check out this Peabody-worthy preview, from the Onion News Team. If you're sufficiently intrigued, you can play a demo right here. But, since this is from The Onion, if you're expecting an actual game to hit the shelves, we wouldn't suggest you get your hopes up. [From: Close Range Via: The Onion]
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
bordwell said 5:57PM on 4-09-2009
As long as the players killing sprees are confined to the small screen, what's the problem? I mean, they're lazy killers afterall. What harm could there be in marketing to that niche?
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Sylvia said 6:47PM on 4-09-2009
This game is sickening and disturbing.
Have you ever seen a real life human who's been shot in the face? I'm an emergency room RN, and I work with people who've been severely injured on a daily basis. It is sad and horrible.
I can't believe Americans would create a game that so glorifies death. No wonder we have so many shootings each day; this game is warping peoples brains to harm others Why don't you people go out and take a first aid course with your time and learn to HELP others, not KILL them?!?!
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Ian said 10:16PM on 4-09-2009
you do know the onion is a fake news source right? they make up all of their stories to be funny.
Master Shake said 1:51AM on 4-10-2009
I can't believe anyone was stupid enough to think that was a real product. Whoa! Americans are SCARY dumb!
pat said 6:57PM on 4-09-2009
wow ppl take things so seriously. perhaps nobody noticed it said "for the onion news network" ever heard of the onion newspaper? its a paradoy on video gaming. i thought this was hilarious
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dpil1 said 7:48PM on 4-09-2009
wow that realy stupid wats the point
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eric1982 said 4:13AM on 4-29-2009
wow, I think the titile should be Shoot People Directly in the Heart. instead of face. You know face would harm my health, :) just kidding.
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egadgetday said 4:14AM on 4-29-2009
wow, I think the titile should be Shoot People Directly in the Heart. instead of face. You know face would harm (http://www.allmyhealth.net)my health, :) just kidding.