Have You Ever Checked Your Significant Other's E-Mail?

My wife is a nurse... and I discovered my wife was having an affair with a nurse anethesist ( male) she worked with.... The ability to see her emails confirmed everything I thought.....we then began sharing our password on our e-mail accts... for about 1 week.... until she started a new e-mail acct so that she could continue her behind our marriage communications with this scumbag........ The truth that I'm coming to is that if a husband and wife truly wanted to fireproof their marriage, they could do it by opening up their e-mails, phone and text access to both...
When you have a history of dishonesty, it is readily apparent why this idea would be uncomfortable for anyone....

Steve

My husband and I both have each other's passwords....we have nothing to hide. If you don't 'want' a mate checking it, then there most me something you are hiding !!

I have checked my husband's email, and that is how I found out how personal his "professional" relationship was with another woman. Not only that, he blatantly disrespected me to her. I have been subjected to her flirting with my husband in my face, she has invited him to her home while knowing me to be his wife and did not invite me. The worst part--we have a business out of our home and she comes here to work.

Since then, I have found out that my husband has his name and profile posted to a SINGLES web-site. Through blogging, he met a woman in Arizona (two hour time difference) and would leave our bed after she would send a text message to his cell phone begging him to come talk to her. That too, was supposed to be a business relationship. I used what I found and got her name, address, and phone number. I called her and she commented on how slimey his actions were.

I have never betrayed my husband this way; and yes, he has insisted on reading my diaries; one was dated years before we were even married, the other was dated after our marriage. I had no problem with it because I have always been and remain trustworthy. But when his behavior changed, I had to investigate. Now, I do not bother, my heart is broken and I cannot stand any more betrayals.

So, HELL YES!!!! I have checked my husband's email, cell phone, wallet, coat pockets and gym bag!!! I used to trust him no matter what, but he shit on that trust and threw it out the window. Before long, I will be out the door.

Absolutely disgusting. However, if you do spy, be prepared

I hate not being trusted by a significant other, and there's no worse sign of mistrust than feeling the need to dig through email and other online information. To me, the idea of having a completely open relationship is not good. Maybe friends and family have personal issues they confide in me exclusively. Maybe I don't want a girlfriend or wife to know what I ordered them for christmas. Maybe I don't want to feel like I'm living under the watchful eye of big brother, and have to worry about how an email might look out of context. I guess it all depends on the person you're with and how you feel about issues like those I mentioned. Personally I wouldn't really care if I accidentally left my email open and a GF/wife read through it, but if they took something the wrong way and got upset about it, or found out something that wasn't really their business and made an issue out of it, I'd be angry. I'd never dig through email myself, so I expect the same in return.

Yes i believe a husband and wife should hold no secrets whatsover.My recently ex wife would go on line while i was at work chatting and emailing long lost boyfriends. She told me they were just her friends. Well she dumped me for her so called friends. Don't trust any mate that acts secretive about her or his email or messenger fun. You just might get a scary surprise if you catch them in the act. Where i come from its called adultery.... They used to stone people for that ....

People are right in a committed relationship trust does matter,especially if you love someone dearly. But if you see your love one act strangely, hiding their online activities from you when you appear into a room to see them it's safe to assume something is amass. As a honest sincere person need not act or hide what they are doing. I think sometimes a husband or a wife is justified to find out the truth of what their spouse is really up to. Putting your head in the sand and pretending nothing is happenning is irresponsible as well. When your married the two people envolved are one... So looking into the spouse's mail is the same as looking into their own mail because they are married. When your married nothings private anymore........if you want private don't get married !!!!!

I agree with Chris, above. There are certain topics and conversations that have nothing to do with infidelity, and that would not negatively affect the marital relationship, which would be better left in private (i.e., away from the snooping spouse). But I also agree with the people who were glad they snooped after they caught their spouse cheating.

To me, the right answer is very analogous to the guy's anecdote about how privacy in a marriage should be the ability to go to the bathroom with the door shut. The general rule in both situations (checking a spouse's email as well as walking in on a spouse on the toilet) should be that you don't do it. Each spouse should have the ability to enter the bathroom/inbox, but should respect the other spouse's privacy.

However, exigent circumstances can call for an exception. With the bathroom situation, exigent circumstances can be, for example, coming in because you think the person is having a heart attack (protection of other), or because you've badly cut yourself and the tourniquet is in the bathroom (protection of self). Likewise, with email checking, exigent circumstances could be because your spouse is on a camping trip and you are checking to see if he has received an important email he is expecting (protection of other), or because you think he is cheating (protection of self).

In both situations, it is best to ask the other person if it is ok to come in, but truly exigent circumstances may require a no-knock entry.

If your significant other gets annoyed when ever you come into a room while they are typeing on their messenger or email then you have something to worry about. Most cases they are hideing something they dont want you to see. I think its justified for a mate to know what their so called trusting mate is up especially if they are acting mighty strange when you are around them on their computor. Remember aids ect still out there...... better to be safe then sorry later !

If a person isn't smart enough to protect themselves against the "art of intrusion" , they deserve everything that comes their way, including prying eyes within their email. This is the 21st century people. Protect yourself and your privacy.

The bathroom analogy certainly has gained alot of press here. Well heres my twist: The desire for privacy in a bathroom can be guessed by my significant other (how much can you do in a bathroom); the desire for privacy in an email may prove to be more difficult for the significant other to guess. With the bathroom door closed, under certain conditions, the significant other can get a "nose" for whats going on without violating my privacy (opening the door); emails (to my knowledge) lack the "scent" of being obvious, therefore if an unusuial, dubious or just "out-of-the-normal" condition exists, one may need the password (key to the closed bathroom door) to gain entry. If you don't trust the person you should leave. Simple.

on this subject how about the government checking all that stuff, in my opinon if you have no problem with the goverment checking it then you shouldn't have a problem with your spose checking it.

I learmed a long time ago never to place what was right for me in my relationsip on to other people's marriages and relationships. Each couple has a unique alchemy between them and it is fair and right to let them figure out what works best for them.