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Liberty City Police Face 'Allegations' Of Incompetence, Brutality

by Evan Shamoon on June 5, 2008 at 04:29 PM




Everybody's favorite fake news site The Onion is reporting that citizens of Liberty City are getting fed up. They claim that the Liberty City Police Department (LCPD) has been negligent and generally unsuccessful in its attempts to curtail the "constant car chases, ongoing gun battles, and overall atmosphere of violence" that has become part and parcel of living in the metropolis.

The surge in crime is said to have started on April 28 at midnight -- perhaps not coincidentally, the release date of the little-known video game Grand Theft Auto IV. Since then, more than 830,000 civilians have been murdered, 35,000 vehicles have been reported stolen, and drug trafficking has become rampant while prostitution has increased by 800 percent.

"I used to feel safe in Liberty City, but lately, it's been total mayhem," said night-shift worker Lola Del Rio (pictured above), who, per usual, spoke to reporters while sucking nervously on a red lollipop. "In the past week alone, I've been carjacked twice, run over 10 times, and witness to a half-dozen gunfights that ended with automobiles exploding. What are the police doing to stop all this?"

Lawsuits await, surely [Source: The Onion]


Tags: breaking news, BreakingNews, gta-iv, satire, the onion, TheOnion

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